Too Many Babies

Bizarro 04-24-16 hdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon, hold down your breakfast and click any yellowish color thrice.)

Bizarro 04-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Click Bait of the Week.

If you’re a person who is uncomfortable being honest about sex with your children, this cartoon is an excellent way to teach them about reproduction. It’s a bit more accurate than the old “stork” story, and in a court of law you could argue that it is technically true; babies come from inside the mother. Of course, if you do use this as a teaching tool for your children, prepare to be raising your grandchildren in a few years because their parents are still in middle school.

Neigh, Brethren

bz panel 10-19-13bz strip 10-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Interesting Swimwear.

If you’ve never paid much attention to the credits of movies you may not know that there is (or at least used to commonly be) a disclaimer at the end of Hollywood films that said something like, “No animal was harmed in the making of this film.”  As the result of pain-in-the-ass-animal-rights-advocates (like me) at some point in the late 1900s, Hollywood passed “laws” that you couldn’t injure animals to make a movie. Up until then, directors could be pretty ruthless when it came to battle scenes, stampedes, chariot races, etc., and would routinely trip horses with wires to make them look as though they’d been shot, and so forth. Lots of animals were killed making movies in the old days. Once, Timmy threw a tantrum and strangled Lassie, causing a nationwide search for another dog that looked just like him to finish the film. In another famous incident, during the making of Ben Hur, Charlton Heston was being such a horse’s ass that one of the horses from the cast mounted him. Heston mowed the horse down with a semi-automatic rifle, of course. (more…)

Sinking Feeling

Bizarro 06-23-13 WEB (For a version of this cartoon that is impossibly huge, click R2D2’s pancreas access port.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Flatulence Put To Good Use.

I truly enjoyed drawing this scene with the exception of the Transformer in the right corner. Those things have WAY too many parts on them. Some of you younger Jazz Pickles might not realize it, but Transformers came out as toys  decades before they became a movie; sometime in the late 19th century, I believe. They were less complex then because they didn’t have the technology they do now so each toy had to be fashioned out of scraps of twigs and bamboo held together with hemp twine. These days, they are made from a combination of lead-based materials from China and environment-destroying plastics. (more…)

Outer Space Celebs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Imposters.

If you’re a Bizarro Jazz Pickle and regular reader of this blog, then you know how much I likes me some baggy pants, backwards hats and bowel-shaking, bass-heavy hip-hop. I like it so much that I’ve attributed these totally awesome traits to some space explorers. Now they’re doubly awesome. (more…)

Armless Alien

Bizarro is brought to you today by Inefficient Paintbrushes.

This week is a big deal on the Western religious landscape. Passover starts on Monday, celebrated by people who believe a messiah is coming to save them one day, and Easter is celebrated next weekend by people who believe that same messiah has come and gone and will come again. (You think that’s confusing? Read something about Mormonism some time.) For all I know, the Muslims have something going this time of year, too. The Big Three monotheisms grew from the same root, so there are often similarities other than large groups of people who believe they are the favorite of an invisible magic person in the sky. (more…)