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Sinking

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(Wanna see it more embiggenated? Click the cartoon with the pointy hand deal.)Bizarro 11-01-15 clr WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unusual Things To Do With Children.

When I lived in NYC I used to occasionally enjoy watching people playing with miniature boats in the big pond in Central Park. May I assume you will not be surprised to discover that it was the inspiration for this cartoon? I’m glad that a hurricane hasn’t hit somewhere this week and killed tons of people, otherwise folks would be all up in my grill about making fun of tragedy too soon, not realizing I submitted this cartoon for publication weeks ago. Here are a few fun things in the background of this pic that you might not be able to see even in the embiggenated view: The white sign just right of center says, “Zoo, Pool, Thugs, Vermin”: The food cart in the far background on the left is selling “Fried Vermin”: On the park bench in the center is a woman with a bird head: The pigeon in the right foreground corner is standing on my signature. Other than that, there are also 10 “secret symbols,” as the small number above my signature implies. If you’re not aware of the secret symbols, check out this link here, but keep it to yourself or they won’t be secret anymore.
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Fleeing Fleas

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Offices!Bizarro 07-19-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-19-15 WEBI hope you enjoy this version of the popular horror story meme wherein a traveling couple’s car breaks down and they have to ask a scary person if they can spend the night in that person’s farmhouse, castle, etc. The setup is a bit outdated now that cell phones have been invented but I suppose you could always claim there’s no reception in that area because of inherent evil or something. (Note: I put a little extra work on the reflection in the hardwood floors so please take a moment to enjoy that.)bz panel 07-13-15I’m sure one or more cats are actually running for president next year but I suspect that, as usual, The Man won’t let them on the ballot. This is entirely because cats cannot be bought by corporations.bz panel 07-14-15I have out-of-body experiences every single day, but it’s always involving other people’s bodies. Something to think about. bz panel 07-15-15I’ve always thought the coolest thing about porcupines is that when threatened, they can throw their quills outward from their body. Much like our “goosebumps” or “gooseflesh,” but with consequences.bz panel 07-16-15Yes, I know I have a bug up my ass about unnecessarily large vehicles and I’ve done a lot of cartoons about that. Here’s another one. The salesman is unnecessarily large, too, but that’s a whole other issue about the American industrialized food system.
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Godiva Fries

Bizarro 08-24-14 hedr WEBBizarro 08-24-14 WEB(To see any of these images largerized, click any character’s index finger.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Modern Lady Godiva.

This is a fairly simple and maybe corny pun, but I love the contrast between the big hullabaloo I made with such a complex and formal illustration, and the final gag. Does that make sense? I actually used much of this art a couple of times before but what the hell, it took me a long time to draw, I might as well get my money’s worth, right? (more…)

Cowboy Dung Barf Hospital

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dung Beetle.

 

Here’s an interesting bit of history from the American Old West: before there were face lotions with sunscreen built into them, cowboys used to have to carry around a little plastic bottle of the stuff and reapply every couple of hours. That’s the only way they could stay young looking on the trail. (more…)

Star Trek Godzilla Murder Complaint Nap

Bizarro 07-06-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 07-06-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Catzilla.

I have a long-time pen pal in Germany by the name of Michael Roth. He’s a writer and sometimes he writes cartoon ideas he’d like to see and every now and again I use one. He sent me some ideas about how outdated the “communicators” from the original Star Trek TV show would look to us now, and we finally settled on this treatment for it. If that’s not enough, I packed it with lots of background jokes, too, so click the image for a larger look-see. On the side of the pink truck is one of my Jazz Pickle, limited-edition T-shirts. If you missed this one, check out my most recent shirt,available for only TWO MORE DAYS! Makes a great gift for that person in your life who is addicted to lame TV shows or Justin Bieber. bz panel 07-03-14bz strip 07-03-14bz panel 07-04-14bz strip 07-04-14bz panel 07-05-14bz strip 07-05-14And don’t forget to drop by and say hello to Michael. (more…)

Money Frames Dead Doctor

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Bizarro is brought to you today by My Cigar Smoking is Having an Effect on My Dog.

As a cartoonist, it’s particularly fun for me to be able to add a new twist to one of the cartoon cliches we’ve all seen so many times. In the archive section at the end of this post, I feature another such idea from a few years back. (more…)

Hot Tub Surgery Funeral

bz panel 03-03-14 bz panel 03-04-14bz strip 03-04-14Want to be notified by email each time I post something new? Drop your email address into the slot below the Tip Jar in the right margin! I won’t abuse it!

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Part-Time Job.

As I’ve mentioned here before, I can’t stand the idea of working for a company and having to go to meetings. Most people find a way to get through it, some probably actually enjoy it, but we artistic types live primarily inside our own heads so it is difficult for us to pay attention to people talking for long periods of time. No amount of note-taking would work for me. I’d forever be wondering what was said and then I’d get fired. A hot tub would help, though. (more…)

Playing Catchup

bz panel 02-26-14 bz panel 02-27-14bz panel 02-28-14 bz panel 02-29-14bz strip 02-29-14Bizarro is brought to you today by L.A. Celebrity Sighting.

 

My usual computer had a nervous breakdown last week and has been in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been using an old, outdated laptop made from logs held together with rope and tar. It’s been a challenge. I have, however, figured out how to get it to work on posting these blogs, in spite of the colonial-era operating system and browser, so here are the cartoons from last week that I’ve not been able to post until now. (more…)

Bubble Curtain Bear Drugs

bz panel 02-24-14bz panel 02-25-14bz strip 02-25-14bz panel 02-26-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Clumsy Dentists.

 

Monday’s cartoon is the brain fruit of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I’ve seen these e-cigarettes around but I don’t really know how they work. For a while, you could smoke them indoors since, I presume, they pose no second-hand smoke risk or smell, but now they are beginning to ban them indoors like real cigarettes, I suppose because people have been brainwashed in the U.S. for so many decades to believe that smoking, or even pretending to, is the most dangerous thing any person can do short of cleaning a gun with the barrel in your mouth. (more…)

Royal Blood

bz panel 01-27-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Flotation Device.

Today’s gag is dry and subtle but I like dry, subtle gags and so do many of you Jazz Pickles so I proudly present it to you here. The idea is from my good friend, Cliff Harris, the King of Wordplay. Puns are often thought to be lowbrow and easy, but truly surprising puns that the reader would likely not have thought of themselves are a delight that usually result in a chuckle. My job here is done.bz 10-22-95 MorguePricesWEB (more…)

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