Hedgehog Wink Angry Naked

bz panel 06-16-14bz strip 06-16-14bz panel 06-17-14bz strip 06-17-14bz panel 06-18-14bz strip 06-18-14


Bizarro is brought to you today by For Injured Pickles.


It is Wednesday and that means that we can no longer do things on Tuesday of this week. I say that because I planned to get some gardening done on Tuesday, but now I can’t. Still, here’s a gardening cartoon that may make the edges of your mouth move upward a fraction of an inch.










I despise emoticons but I have to admit that I use them because they are truly useful. The manner in which a person says something is so important, which can sometimes be lost in the written word, so it is much easier to avoid being misunderstood if  you attach a stupid, adorable little face at the end of a passage. This is especially helpful to people like me who tend to joke a lot. Before I used emoticons, I was grievously misunderstood on a number of occasions, to my great dismay. Once, I even angered someone to the point that they attempted to kill me and ended up in prison. :^}

I will say that I never use the wink one… ;)   Ugh! Of course, I’ve always hated it when someone says something they think is clever or funny, then winks. Please don’t wink at me, I’m not four.








If you don’t get this joke about the bull comedian, it is likely because you didn’t realize that when a stand-up comic is performing, he/she has a set amount of time allotted. When they are approaching their time limit, a small red light goes on at the back of the club telling them it is time to wrap it up. This cartoon plays on the fabled relationship between bulls and red capes, even though the color of the cape is insignificant to the bull. By the way, in my opinion, bull fighting is perhaps the most barbaric practice still sanctioned by a modern society. Tradition is no excuse for cruelty.  On another side note, that’s me and my precious Olive Oyl in the front row.





BIZARROVERS: From the year 2000, I bring you this golden oldie that I still enjoy. Wear it in good health.bz001006 Clothes WEB

Famous Alien Roofs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Spot The Joke.

I’m not a pop-culture scientist (and have never even played one on TV) but it seems to me that we now experience far more “celebrities” who cannot actually do anything special than we ever have before. I blame reality TV shows. If you can somehow con your way onto one of these god-forsaken shows, you can become a rich and famous “celebrity” by just being the jackass you’ve been all your life. The most distressing part of this equation is that millions of people will actually worship you. Kim Kardashian’s most unique gift is her inherited fortune and comically huge clown ass. Snooki’s is her utter lack of dignity or shame. These are now considered talents. It makes me shudder. Then vomit. Then hold a gun to my head. (The only reason I’m still able to write this post is that my unfamiliarity with guns led me to buy batteries instead of bullets.)

On to more believable scenarios: here are some aliens who live in the famed “Area 51.” Mr. alien’s hard work has paid off and now he and his zlibnorch get to move to a nicer neighborhood. What kind of work does he do, I wonder, besides posing for bumper stickers, ball caps, and other souvenirs?

This idea came from my known associate, Wayno. Have a peek at what he says about it on his blog here.



Finally, I direct your attention to the cartoon with talking houses. The snow-on-the-roof phrase is an old (pun intended) saying about getting older. I think the original is something like, “just because there’s snow on your roof, doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire in your furnace.” Something like that. I’m only 19, so I’m not old enough to know the exact wording. It supposed to mean that people with gray hair still like to have sex. That’s one of those things you don’t like to think about until you get there, though.

The second caption refers to a disease called “shingles,” which typically attacks the elderly. But you can actually get shingles anytime. Oddly enough, I had it when I was 13. It’s a rash that appears around your ribcage and is caused by a temporary flair up of an old chicken pox virus. So if you’ve had chicken pox, you could get shingles. Don’t worry, though, it’s curable.

What’s not curable is your need for a chuckle, so keep checking back to my blog as I attempt to treat your symptoms. Some people work to cure disease, some invent amazing new technology, some draw silly pictures and try to make anonymous strangers smile. Who is to say which is more important? Okay, the first two are, but this is all I can do and I need to eat regularly, just like you.

I want you to buy my new book so badly I can feel it in my bowels. Assuage my bowels here.


Erect Bum House









Bizarro is brought to you today by Neanderthal SuperCuts!

A reader from New Zealand wrote to me and asked me to post her favorite comic of mine from years ago. I think this cartoon may have been published in Scandinavia at some point so maybe she saw it there or in a past episode of this blog. Not sure. So here it is, in all its glory. She didn’t say why this is her favorite; perhaps this is a common pick-up line in the land of the kiwi.

Here’s Friday’s comic, and one that I’m particularly fond of. Like most people whose brain is connected to its stem, I hate TV commercials. But the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials are actually kind of funny. So here’s an amusing little spoof (that word again! LOVE it!) of those commercials entitled “The Most Interesting Bum in the World.” Please enjoy it responsibly. If you’ve not seen these commercials (because many of my readers are not living in the U.S. or don’t have TVs), here is one now.

This last cartoon proposed some art challenges. I wanted to somehow depict a house that looked normal from the outside but had such incredibly thick walls that there was no room inside. This was the best I could do with the concept. I hope it came across. It certainly is not a thigh-slapper, but not every cartoon is (or can be.) I just like to let my mind wander and draw the things that catch my imagination or amusement. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t.

Say what you will about this house, it would cost nothing to heat or cool.

MOTORCYCLE CRASH UPDATE SPECIAL REPORT: Thanks for everyone’s kind words. You’re sweet. People have been asking how we’re doing and I’m happy to report we are doing better. Both of us are still really sore and walking around like a couple of octogenarians after a weekend on ecstasy at Lollapalooza. CHNW is still really sore with a HUGE bruise on her hip, about the size of a watermelon and the color of a raw steak. She’s limping around pretty badly but we hope it isn’t permanent. X-rays showed no break, so she should be okay. Here is the actual doctor actually looking at her actual X-ray. I wonder if this passes as porn for docs?

Other bad news is that my mechanic says my beloved bike is totaled. It would take as much as it’s worth to rebuild it back to its former glory. The problem with a classic bike in mint condition is that you can’t just go out and replace it. I’m really depressed about that, but as they say, at least we are alive and healing. Yay and boo hoo.

Here are Bizarro comics on favorite household items. Yay!