Dogs Who Drive

Bizarro 06-05-16 hdrWEB

(For readers who wish to embiggenate these images, click any blue-colored thing.)Bizarro 06-05-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Perhaps The Best Option.

Here’s a fun take on distracted driving, which has always been a major public safety issue and is getting worse all the time. It is estimated that over 600% of all accidents caused by teenaged drivers are the result of cell phone use. No, that math does not make sense, but teenagers aren’t any good at math, either, which is another big problem with this country. How are they going to repair the desolate wasteland we are leaving them if they are too busy texting to do the math? See what I’m saying?
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Midnight Crush

Bizarro 05-24-15 hdrWEB Bizarro is brought to you today by Delicious Insect Vomit.

The tremendously gifted artist, Tim Biskip, once said that he is an artist so he can create things he wants to see but that don’t exist. I’ve never put it in those words but that’s the fun of cartooning, too: creating a moment that doesn’t exist in the real world but would be funny if it did. I really like this idea of Bizarro 05-24-15 WEBcombining Cinderella with Godzilla. She attacks the castle, chews on a tower, midnight strikes so she must run but the prince has already fallen in love. All he has left of her is a minivan-sized, three-toed glass slipper. So romantic.bz panel 05-18-15 bz panel 05-19-15 bz panel 05-20-15 bz panel 05-21-15 bz panel 05-22-15 bz panel 05-23-15
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Prank Blog Breakup Cauliflower

Bizarro 12-28-14 hdr Bizarro 12-28-14 WEB(For a larger view, click any dang image in this post.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Santa Gives Birth.

I hope you all had a happy holiday thing, whatever that might mean for you. As for me, I couldn’t be happier that it’s over. In spite of my affinity for the occasional stage performance, I’m actually an introvert and so the rapid succession of parties and family get-togethers really takes a toll on me. I’m looking forward to a few months without obligatory socializing.
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Puke Snooze Drink Puke

bz panel 09-01-14bz strip 09-01-14bz panel 09-02-14bz strip 09-02-14bz panel 09-03-14bz strip 09-03-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Abe and Friends.

Since I was a child I’ve been fascinated by the fact that some animals feed their young by eating something, then regurgitating it into their mouth. First, let me say how happy I am that humans are not among the species with this charming habit, and secondly, perhaps we should be. Some babies have difficulty digesting certain kinds of foods and perhaps a little pre-digestion would be a good thing. If anyone decides to try this with their own baby, let me know how it turns out, and remember that I am not a doctor nor even a particularly well-educated person so don’t blame me if your baby is irreparably damaged by this experiment. (more…)

1 Weird Trick

Bizarro 04-13-14 hedrBizarro 04-13-14 WEBonetip-300x278Bizarro is brought to you today by Truth in Advertising.

If you’ve been loitering on the Interwebs recently, you’ve likely noticed a ton of these badly written and drawn ads for “1 weird trick” to do everything from reducing your belly fat to building muscle to learning a foreign language. As painful as it was for me to draw and write in that style, here are a few of my own suggestions of weird tricks. Follow them at your own risk. (Kids under 18: Ask your parents before chopping off body parts, being imprisoned in a foreign country, or playing with poisonous snakes.) (more…)

A Wasted But Amusing Life

Bizarro is brought to you today by Life!

I have mixed feelings about the Internet. On the one hand, it is clearly the most life-changing and useful tool that human kind has invented since the wheel. (Thanks, Al!) On the other hand, because of it, we all lose years of our lives looking at mindless entertainment like cute cats, funny videos, and porn. Am I glad I grew up in a time before it was available? Yes; I spent a lot of time outdoors exploring the world from micro to macro, which I would not have done had I been given access to a computer. Now that I have it at my disposal, would I want to live without the Internet for even a single week? No. Not a chance. Back away from my computer or I’ll stab you with these scissors. (more…)

Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee

Wow! This weekend’s post is a Jazztown Hootenanny Festival of Amusingness! SO many cartoons to catch up on!

(To imagine what this would look like larger, click the tiny wizard’s left ear. [His left, not your left.])

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sports Gardening.

I’m really happy with this Wizard of Oz collaboration with my good buddy, the King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Very elaborate art, very subtle gag. My favorite part of the art in this one is the glossy floor; I always enjoy coming up with special effects. By the way, if for some reason you don’t get this joke, the punch line lies in the abbreviations for “ounces” and “pounds.” By the way Part 2: the reason that the word “pounds” is abbreviated with letters that do not appear in the actual word is because they stand for “libra,” the scale. The reason “ounces” is abbreviated the way it is, is because the unit of measure we call an ounce was first used on the set of The Wizard of Oz, because they needed a way to measure the weight of the munchkins. I love trivia like that. (more…)

Wife Glutton Web Call

(To see this cartoon in [a bit more but not] all of its glory, click any cocktail.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Alcohol.

This is a pretty strange comic, I admit. The back story is that one of the cliches in the cartoon canon is the premise showing a guy in a bar telling someone his wife doesn’t understand him. I’ve used this motif before here and here and probably a few other times, too. In this case, I had three gags in my sketchbook based on the same cliche and decided to use them all in one cartoon. Why the last guy has a piece of toast shoved in his mouth is anyone’s guess. I welcome your suggestions. (more…)

Pro Tree Field

Bizarro is brought to you today by ghosts.

Thanks to all you readers who left comments about the 9/11 comics project. I’m encouraged to hear that I was not the only one disenchanted by the commercialized sentimentality of last week. It’s been ten years, let’s move on. One nice way to start would be by putting Bush and Cheney in jail where they belong*, but let’s not get overly optimistic. (more…)