Dangerous Magic

(If thou desires embiggenation, thee must no more than click the image of thine desire.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dangerous Magic.

It was another wild week at Rancho Bizarro. One of my cartoons caused an uproar of praise and condemnation from both sides of the trench (“aisle” seems too civilized for today’s political atmosphere) but more about that in a bit. And also my new home country of Mexico gave us a surprise gift in the form of this thing that popped up spontaneously in one of the flower pots that was already on our patio when we bought the place. I believe they call that a “volunteer”. Thank you, Madre Naturaleza.
(more…)

Dummy Ashes Jowl Reading

bz panel 04-21-14bz strip 04-21-14bz panel 04-22-14bz strip 04-22-14bz panel 04-23-14

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Grandpa Spent Too Much Time Alone in the Basement.

 

After all these years I still enjoy coming up with a new angle on one of the traditional cartoon cliches. I started with the idea of a ventriloquist’s dummy begging and then my lovely and enchanting girlfriend, Olive Oyl, and I riffed for a bit before coming up with the right line for his sign. I can’t believe this idea hasn’t been done before but I couldn’t find one on the Truthernet, so I did it. (more…)

Shag Dark Ghost Corpse

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pilgrims and Indians.

Well, if all goes as planned, today is Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.  The holiday supported by a coloring book story about pilgrims and native Americans getting together peacefully (for the last time?) to have dinner and give thanks or something. We celebrate this by, and as an ethical vegan I cannot resist saying this, slaughtering millions of innocent beings who’ve lived their short lives in uncomfortable captivity so we can gorge ourselves like gluttons. In December, the massacre starts all over again in the name of “peace on Earth.” Whatever. (more…)

‘Tater Brick Sketch

Bizarro is brought to you today by Couch Potato with Cheese.

This gag is a collaboration between myself and Andy Cowan, former writer for Seinfeld, Cheers, 3rd Rock from the Sun, and some other stuff. He had a different idea about what the last panel should say, or what you should call people who are always on their phone in public, but I won because it’s my cartoon. Sorry, Andy. (more…)

Toll Phone Super Tramp

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pickup Artist.

It’s funny how men just buy stuff for women they find attractive. CHNW will be standing at a lunch counter waiting for a take-out order, which usually includes lunch for me, her husband, and she’ll strike up a conversation with some guy standing there waiting for his food, too, and when her bill comes, he’ll pay for it. She says, “thanks,” gathers her food and comes home. And of course, she never has to pay for a drink in a bar if she doesn’t want to. I guess I should send her car shopping sometime and see if she can score a new BMW. This doesn’t happen to men so I’ve no idea what it must be like. And I’ve never tried this approach on women myself, so I don’t know if it ever pays off. Perhaps there are women who will sleep with a stranger because he bought them something. I don’t think I’d be interested in a woman like that. I want a woman who is attracted to me for my thrift. (more…)

Comedy in the Computer Age

(Magically make this cartoon bigger by clicking the word “someone!”)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Garden of Eden.

I’m a Mac guy, as virtually all professional artists are because Apple’s products are the standard in our industry, and so virtually all of my computer-related gags are about Apple products. The only time I’ve ever used a PC is when I check my email at my parent’s house and I always have to get my dad to remind me how to turn it on. (more…)

Clones, Babies, Honey, Mom

Bizarro is brought to you today by How To Treat Heat Prostration.

I have been remiss in my blogging responsibilities of late. Spending a week one block from Hell will do that to a person. I was in Texas and Oklahoma visiting family and experienced the daily 100+ degrees of what is being called “the worst heat wave in the history of this area this month.” Oklahoma isn’t actually Hell, but you can easily walk to it from there. Daily highs averaged around 106, the high temperature I experienced was 111 degrees on Saturday. At midnight, when the city was quiet and temps are still in the high 90s, you could hear Satan laughing as he watched reruns of Two and a Half Men. It was chilling, but not in a way that made it any cooler. (more…)

Home Again

Bizarro is brought to you today by Homemade Father’s Day Gifts.

It’s been a long ten days since I was here at Bizarro International Headquarters working on my blog. Ah, sweet reunion. Following are the cartoons I missed posting, for your infotainment. (Wow. “Infotainment” is not flagged by WordPress as being misspelled.)

I’ll be back to my regular blogging verbosity in the coming days. Come on back, y’hear? (more…)