Fly By

bz panel 02-01-14bz strip 02-01-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Alternative Marriages.

Since California is a big agricultural state and much of that is fruit, they’re really picky about letting people into the state with food items that might carry some kind of insect that is bad for local crops. I guess fruit flies are the ones I’ve heard most about. They don’t thoroughly search every car so I don’t know how well it works, but it does cause a traffic jam at the borders, which is always a good time to check your email and Twitter feed while you wait. (more…)

Keep Your Pants On

bz panel 04-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Airport Security.

I never miss a chance to poke fun at the TSA (Thousands Standing Around) because I am a firm believer that they are the most obvious sign of the terrorists “winning.” We spend billions of dollars a year to enact this absurd charade of security, but tests that the TSA runs on its own system have reportedly routinely shown that it is still fairly easy to smuggle knives and guns on board an airplane.  One story I’ve heard is that an undercover agent for the TSA managed to smuggle a huge bag of deadly snakes on board by dying them orange and claiming they were super-sized Cheetohs. I mean, come on!  Whatever the case, I’m convinced that the shoes and liquids thing are complete nonsense that could be done away with easily without consequence. Most of the process we go through is a political charade to make us feel more secure, when the truth is that (statistically) we never were in that much danger in the first place. (more…)

Dopey Pen Abe Coal Armor Bug

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Hello, Jazz Pickles, and welcome to this week’s cartoon round-up. My first cartoon today is a fun little twist on Lance Armstrong’s recent travails. For those who do not recognize that name, he won an unprecedented 7 Tour de Frances (a real hard bicycle race that lasts for days and days). Being the first person to ever come close to such a feat, and having done this after defeating testicular cancer, he was perhaps the biggest hero in sports history. Turns out he was doping in a wide variety of ways, officials inside whatever the international bike racing organization is called knew about it and not only turned a blind eye, but helped him. Wow. Just like that, Armstrong is now the Hitler of sports. Humans can be smarmy. By the way, this bit of fun fun word play was in collaboration with my good friend and The King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. (more…)

Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee

Wow! This weekend’s post is a Jazztown Hootenanny Festival of Amusingness! SO many cartoons to catch up on!

(To imagine what this would look like larger, click the tiny wizard’s left ear. [His left, not your left.])

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I’m really happy with this Wizard of Oz collaboration with my good buddy, the King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Very elaborate art, very subtle gag. My favorite part of the art in this one is the glossy floor; I always enjoy coming up with special effects. By the way, if for some reason you don’t get this joke, the punch line lies in the abbreviations for “ounces” and “pounds.” By the way Part 2: the reason that the word “pounds” is abbreviated with letters that do not appear in the actual word is because they stand for “libra,” the scale. The reason “ounces” is abbreviated the way it is, is because the unit of measure we call an ounce was first used on the set of The Wizard of Oz, because they needed a way to measure the weight of the munchkins. I love trivia like that. (more…)