Mojo Clown Fly Game

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Stowaway.

Pharmaceutical companies have known how to prevent bad juju for decades, but there is so much money in mojo treatment that they’ve buried the cure. Sometimes capitalism sucks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you don’t know the song this cartoon refers to, you likely have no idea what this is about. If you do know it, though, it’s a real kick in the pants. Here it is but be warned: it’s a pretty insidious earworm. (more…)

Cowboy Dung Barf Hospital

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dung Beetle.

 

Here’s an interesting bit of history from the American Old West: before there were face lotions with sunscreen built into them, cowboys used to have to carry around a little plastic bottle of the stuff and reapply every couple of hours. That’s the only way they could stay young looking on the trail. (more…)

Dog Amputee Monster Dog

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dung Beetle.

I’m on vacation this week and keeping my blog posts short!

 

 

 

Thursday’s cartoon: My dog would do this. No doubt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday’s cartoon: My dog would not do this. Especially if the kid had snacks. She would shred homework, though, judging by the way she treats mail. (more…)

Security Invasion

Bizarro 06-22-14 hdrWEb Bizarro 06-22-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Brief Survey.

If you’re not accustomed to going through security at American airports, you may miss some of this gag. The wording these guys say over and over, all day long is, “Completely empty the contents of your pockets and take off your shoes.” (Which you are supposed to put in a tray.) Yes, we Americans still have to take off our shoes and run them through the X-ray machine because years ago, some mentally disturbed lunatic tried to ignite a bomb he had hidden in his shoe. Thank god he didn’t hide it in his underwear. So, while thinking of what a security check might look like on an alien planet, I came up with this gag. Theoretical physicists would back me up that this could potentially be happening on another planet, or a parallel universe. So there. (more…)

Nose Lice Feet

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Clever Ways to Dispose of Evidence.

My Friday offering this week is an obvious reference to the old adage, “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”  Now you can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This cartoon is an attempt to ruin your next selfie. The only reason school children get head lice more often than adults is that they are more likely put their heads together. Parents get them from their kids by hugging them. So it stands to reason that the “selfie” craze will be a boon to the head lice community. Thus far, we have ascertained that cell phones give people brain tumors and head lice. What next? Rotating Buttock Syndrome? (more…)

Sunday Punnies #34

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(Click on any image to enbiggenize it.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Baboon Spotting.

Have you been dying to see some funny, funny pun you thought of illustrated by a syndicated cartoonist? I doubt it. But if you have, this is your chance. The puns in my Sunday Punnies series are all submitted by readers like you. Look at the bottom corner of each panel and you’ll see a name that COULD BE YOURS AT SOME FUTURE DATE! Wow. That’s exciting, isn’t it? (more…)

Devil in the Details

bz panel 10-05-13bz strip 10-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Devil.

You might not think you’d find the cleanest kitchen in the universe in Hell, but you’d be wrong. If you visit the correct part of Hell, you’ll find this one, kept immaculate by one of Satan’s mop-wielding minions. Of course, anyone who actually believes in Hell likely believes that cockroaches don’t get any kind of afterlife because they are not the chosen, magical, super-cool beings that we humans are, but my cartoons do not discriminate. If one species gets eternal ecstasy or torment, they all do. Good cockroaches––the kind that do good for others, don’t have premarital sex, abstain from intoxicants of all kinds, and pray to the One True God regularly––will live in a filthy kitchen with plenty of rotting snacks available 24/7, while the others go to this place. Makes you think, doesn’t it? (If so, I’d love to know what the hell you’re thinking about.) (more…)