Mucous Defense System

Bizarro 12-27-15 HdrWEB

(If you wish to embiggenate any of these images, use your clicky device.)Bizarro 12-27-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Parking Lots Have No Lines Painted On Them.

Today’s cartoon is about a world in which the natives cover their nudity with boxes. You and I may think that naked tissue is not worth covering, but they consider it vulgar and who are we to judge? We consider the sight of human nipples to be a crime, but only if they are attached to a female. Doesn’t matter if they are attached to large breasts or ones as flat as sheetrock, if they’re attached to a female: illegal to expose in public. The Tissue People find this concept utterly ridiculous but then they’ve always tended to be a bit “judgy”.
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Pooping in the Park

bizarro 03-15-15 hdr eWEB Bizarro 03-15-15aWEBbz panel 03-09-15 bz panel 03-10-15 bz panel 03-11-15 bz panel 03-12-15 bz panel 03-13-15 bz panel 03-14-15(Make this pigeon statue comic swell like a lip after a knuckle sandwich, by clicking George Washington’s boots.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Styles For Super Men.

I conceived of this cartoon back in my first year of syndication in 1985 when I was just a child cartoonist, but the drawing was perfectly awful. (OMG, look how ugly it was!) I’d forgotten all about it until I came across it again recently but I liked the concept so much that I decided to draw and publish it again. I hope you enjoy looking upon it as much as I did redrawing it in a less ugly fashion.
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Sunday Punnies #35

Bizarro 07-13-14 hedrWEbBizarro 07-13-14 WEB(To see an enbigginated version of any of these cartoons, tap them with your clicker.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Self Defense Advice.

Here is number 35 in my series of “Sunday Punnies,” which are puns donated by readers, then expertly interpreted and illustrated by the best artist I could find without leaving my house. Congrats this time goes to Jay Branscomb, Cliff Harris (yes, The King of Wordplay), and Martin Baker.  If you have an original pun that you’d like to submit, leave it in the comments section of any post on this blog and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules: (more…)

Toothy

bz panel 07-10-13bz strip 07-10-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Our Lady of the Melons.

Here’s a bit of super-secret backstage gossip about this cartoon: I have some friends named John and Fiona and he’s a lawyer. I didn’t say the super-secret backstage gossip would be interesting.

Anyway, this is my covert way of finding out if my friends read my comics. If neither John nor Fiona say anything about this in the next few days, they’re off my Festivus list for good. (more…)

Flaming Fly

bz panel 06-18-13bz strip 06-18-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Cacti Come From.

There are few things more embarrassing for homo sapiens than to be caught in a lie, especially when it is accompanied by flaming trousers. For this reason, I wear flame-resistant underwear to protect my twig and berries. Sure, it makes my silhouette a little less flattering, but once I let go of a ripsnorter and my breeches burst into flames, I can relax in the confidence that my charred buttocks will not be on display for all to see.

Triple Shrinkage

bz panel 05-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Eating Too Quickly.

When drawing this cartoon, the biggest challenge I faced aside from drawing three adults on a small couch was giving the three men the right looks. In cartoons such as mine, I usually will go for a recognizable stereotype to increase the percentage of readers worldwide who will understand the gag. (more…)

Omnibus Bizarro

bz panel 05-07-13Bizarro is brought to you by My New Desktop Image.

I’ve been so busy this week that I have neglected my blog. I have brought shame upon my entire village. I know that I can never adequately compensate my dozen-or-so readers who have searched in vain for a new Bizarro cartoon all week, but I can, at least, rectify the situation by posting the week’s adventures here and now. (more…)

Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weight Problems.

It’s been a busy week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much so that I barely got a chance to post on this blog today. In fact, I’m pressed for time right now, so let’s get to it.

1. Cinn-a-bon is a small restaurant chain I see a lot in shopping malls and airport food courts. A while back my manager, Jeff Topper, and I were kibitzing on the phone and came up with this idea together. I particularly like the devil asking if he can “hurt” the customer instead of help. A reader mentioned that the customer should have said the buns were “tempting.” Also a good caption but I like mine better. (more…)