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Quicksand and Tubas

Bizarro 02-16-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 02-16-14 WEB Bizarro is brought to you today by Scotch Tape Boutique.

Today’s cartoons bring us three pieces of art that I quite like, if I may be so immodest. The header panel is one I’ve used many times over the years in different variations. Here’s it’s earliest incarnation.


The “House of Rope” cartoon was inspired by the Scotch Tape Boutique from an old Saturday Night Live sketch, with the great Fred Willard as its proprietor. I was musing about a specialty store that had little chance of surviving––unless the owner had a clever way of soliciting business.  (Click on any image to enlargify it.)

BIZTORICALS: My archival offering today is from ’03 and was a collaboration with a good friend of mine who is a neuroscientist, a comedian, a musician, a college professor and a best-selling author, Dr. Daniel Levitin. I hate him for his success in so many areas. If you want to get depressed about your own failure to accomplish as much as you wanted in your life, check out all of his amazingness here.  bizarro 03-02-03Tuba  =1WEB



Music To My Ears

PiraroAlbumCoverSMwebLike most arty types, I have a variety of interests. I’ve always enjoyed writing, oil painting, sculpture, cartoons, and I also write music. For the first time ever, I’ve posted some professional recordings of some of my songs. I sing and play rhythm guitar on the album, my good buddy, Tiny Tony T. Smith plays “fancy” guitar and did all the recording and mixing. You can have the whole EP for $3.96 on iTunes, Amazon, and some other places that sell music. Or, you can stream it on Spotify and those kinds of places. I assume I’ll never make any real money from these efforts, but artists like to share their work so here they are. I hope you’ll give them a listen and let me know what you think. Unless you think I suck.

The photo above was taken by the lovely and wonderful Pat Johnson of San Francisco. He’s a dandy guy who has photographed a LOT of famous rock stars and such. He’s taken pics of me because he’s a friend and likes my comics. The service I used to get my music out––Tunecore––wouldn’t allow any more type on the cover other than my name and the name of the album, so I couldn’t credit Pat. Here’s some of his cool work. Thanks, Pat!

Groovin’ Pickle Pubah

I just released an EP of four of my original songs & you can get them on iTunes! I’m so excited I may have pooped my pants!

Nope, false alarm, it was just my TV remote. I’ve been looking for that thing since yesterday. But I really did post my songs on iTunes so please check them out and buy the whole EP. It will cost you a full $3.96, which is a small price to pay for all of the enjoyment I’ve given you with my cartoons all of these years, right? Here’s where you can go to indulge my rock star fantasy. You can also find me on Spotify and a few other of the typical music outlets online! Just search under my name, which is Dan Piraro.

The attractive image below is my album cover. I hope you get that the picture is supposed to be campy/retro.  Many thanks to my girlfriend, Olive Oyl, for figuring out how to get these damn songs on the Intertubes. I’ve looked into it off and on for a couple of years and always gave up in tears. She’s the best!

Also a million thanks to my good buddy, Tiny Tony T. Smith of Tulsa, Oklahoma. We recorded these songs in his home studio and he did all the mixing and engineering, plus he plays all of the fancy guitar parts on the songs. I play the rhythm guitar and do all the vocals and whistling, and wrote the songs, of course. A word of warning, these are not comedy songs. You may find some of my lyrics amusing but overall, these are serious songs about different things that were rattling around in my brain carton. I can’t say what musical category they’d fall into other than “alternative.” My style tends to roam around a bit from genre to genre.

If you like them, please forward the info to friends and give me some good reviews on whatever site you find them on. If you do your job, this time next year Tony and I could be coming to your town with a 19-piece band, pyrotechnics, and KISS-style platform boots!



Staying Current

bz panel 01-23-14bz strip 01-23-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Shopping For Every Need.


I moved to Los Angeles two years ago partly to be closer to the entertainment industry, but mostly for the weather. When I draw a cartoon like this, I always pause to look at the wide-open french doors of my studio and the sunny, 75 degrees F temperature outside and thank myself rigorously for moving here. It was a tough time in my life, on the heels of a nasty divorce and a problematic exit from New York City, but MAN, was it worth it!

For those of you trudging through the snow today, be sure to wear plastic bags over your flipflops to keep your feet dry.





BIZARCHAEOLOGY: Here’s a fun little ditty from ’01 that I came across in my archives this morning and thought you might enjoy. I originally did this gag as a badly-drawn daily panel way back in the late 80s, I think, so I resurrected it and did a proper drawing in ’01. the lighting was particularly fun for me but drawing a herd of cattle is a hugely tedious pain in my cartoon ass. (The men in my family are assless so I have a drawing of an ass where my real one should be.)   Click the sixth-steer-from-the-left’s face to bigify the 12-09-01 cowboy guitarWEB

Scissor n Roll

bz panel 07-13-13bz strip 07-13-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Musical Inspiration.

One of my biggest pet peeves is being able to hear music that I did not choose. Be it a boombox, a backyard party, the upstairs neighbor’s stereo, you name it, it bugs the crap out of me. Even if it’s music that I like. There’s just something about being forced to hear music when I didn’t choose to that miffs me. I’m just a cranky SOB that way, I guess. Thus, I can think of few things worse than living next door to a teenage garage band.

As adamant as I am about this annoyance, I used to be in a teenage garage band and we used to rock our guitarist’s neighborhood in Tulsa with our clumsy attempts at musical expression. We’re probably lucky we weren’t shot.

My known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, whose idea this gag is, is also in a band but they’re well past the garage stage. They’re seasoned professionals and likely have a private, palatial rehearsal space––like the drummer’s mom’s basement or Wayno’s living room, which already had carpeting on all of the walls and ceilings because that’s just how he rolls. Wayno’s account of this cartoon disturbance can be found here.

Today’s classic Bizarro is also about fine panel 01-26-10 recording

Chordate Chords

Bizarro 05-05-13 WEB










(To see these beasts closer to life-size, click the Hippo’s belt buckle.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rockin’ Non-Humans.

Until relatively recently, scientists believed that large mammals only participated in jazz and classical music. Then, in June of 2006, explorers from National Geographic happened across a heavy metal band in the African Congo. They weren’t particularly good, but then you don’t have to be to play heavy metal. Perhaps the strangest element of this band was not that they were breaking all previously held scientific beliefs about non-human mammal musicianship, but that the drummer was able to consistently show up on time to rehearsals and gigs, in spite of the fact that he had no visible means of traveling on land. This is doubly surprising because it is something that human drummers can rarely accomplish.

This fun little ditty was the brainchild of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I loved the idea primarily because it would be so much fun to draw, and I wasn’t disappointed. I must admit that this was a blast to envision and create. I used to be the lead singer for a band “back in the day,” so I drew upon lots of memories of those times. Although, my band was New Wave, so we didn’t wear the same kinds of costumes these gents are sporting nor did we make gratuitous references to death or the devil.

Here’s what the talented Wayno of Pittsburgh has to say about this collaboration and the upcoming adventures of his own band.

Lil’ Hootin’ Annie

Bizarro is made possible today by Sad Picture of Young Siamese Twin Owls.

I’ve gotta say that I love this gag and drawing it was a HOOT!  No, I really didn’t have to say that but I think I may have gotten a bad batch of prescription marijuana chocolate cookies because that pun was absolutely irresistible.

Regardless, this was fun to draw and the gag, which came from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, is top notch. It’s not just funny to me because it is ridiculous but because it says a bit about how I feel about those talent shows that are so popular on TV nowadays.  He conveys his thoughts about this cartoon here.


Weight Axe Curd Crook Band Strangle Furniture Amputee

Wow! This weekend’s post is a Jazztown Hootenanny Festival of Amusingness! SO many cartoons to catch up on!

(To imagine what this would look like larger, click the tiny wizard’s left ear. [His left, not your left.])

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sports Gardening.

I’m really happy with this Wizard of Oz collaboration with my good buddy, the King of Wordplay, Cliff Harris. Very elaborate art, very subtle gag. My favorite part of the art in this one is the glossy floor; I always enjoy coming up with special effects. By the way, if for some reason you don’t get this joke, the punch line lies in the abbreviations for “ounces” and “pounds.” By the way Part 2: the reason that the word “pounds” is abbreviated with letters that do not appear in the actual word is because they stand for “libra,” the scale. The reason “ounces” is abbreviated the way it is, is because the unit of measure we call an ounce was first used on the set of The Wizard of Oz, because they needed a way to measure the weight of the munchkins. I love trivia like that.

2.This next cartoon was a collaboration with my showbiz manager, Jeff Topper. He’s a wacky dude by all accounts and rumor has it he thought of this gag while chasing cyclists through a local park. My favorite part of this art is the symbol for the chainsaw-wielding maniac painted on the path. This would be a fun thing to do in real life as a prank. If anybody does this, send me a picture and do NOT blame me if you get arrested.

(Yes, I know the image on the ground has a chainsaw while the maniac is carrying an axe. Psychopaths don’t follow rules particularly well.)


3. I’d just like to say for the record that I have always despised cottage cheese. It is disgusting in all ways that an object can be: visually, texturally, and tastefully. Meaning the taste is disgusting. I can’t think for the life of me why it exists.



4. Lots of cartoons have been done about the voice on GPSs, but I thought the occupation-specific nature of this one was worth visiting. The interior of this car was drawn from my memory of the dashboards of the latest Toyota Prius. They look like cockpit of a Space Shuttle and I find them intimidating. Is it possible for a car to do too much? I think it might be.


5. This was a big week for collaborations, apparently, and this one is with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like this gag and am happy with the look of the Internet hipsters as they access a band that has been around for ages: all week. Read Wayno’s interpretation of this collaboration here. I put a “Frightened Bunny” poster on the wall as a Bizarroesque tribute to one of my latest favorite bands, “Frightened Rabbit.” If you don’t know them, check out my two favorite albums, “Winter of Mixed Drinks” and “Midnight Organ Fight.”  If you want to sample one song first, try either “Swim Until You Can’t See Land,” or “Modern Leper.”

6. It is important when choosing equipment for your pet to get a size-appropriate product. I knew some people once who bought (NEVER buy! ALWAYS adopt!) a Jack Russell Terrier puppy and immediately went out to get him one of those doggy crates to sleep in at night and when they were away from home. They bought the largest size available, which is intended for Great Danes and the like. Dogs like small spaces to use as their “den.” They’re not interested in impressing the neighbors with the size of their house.


7. Back to Cliff, the King of Wordplay. This is one of my favorite bits of wordplay ever, I must say. My primary contribution to this gag was the horrified look on the wife’s face, giving the double entendre an extra punch.


8. Good lord, we’ve finally reached the end of today’s Komedy Kavalcade. In keeping with collaboration week, this one came from my good buddy, Andy Cowan, former writer for Seinfeld, Cheers, 3rd Rock From the Sun, and some other TV stuff. I’ve known a few “tripod” dogs and cats over the years so this gag has a bit of personal meaning for me. I love the idea that even with one less leg, they still have a 50% advantage over us in the leg department.

Don’t just sit there crying into your vodka, Jazz Pickles! Buy one of my books!




Mortality Gong Ovum Scissors

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Schlong.

This clever little bit of wordplay is a collaboration with my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Wayno is a good friend and he and I have been working together on cartoons for a few years now. In fact, this one represents his 100th appearance in Bizarro. He’s a joy to work with, a great gag writer, and a darned dandy artist, to boot. I also suspect he’s a good husband and member of his community but you’ll have to ask his wife and neighbors for confirmation on that. Here’s what Wayno has to say about our anniversary of sorts.

I have a friend who is a Grammy Award winning percussionist and he loved this cartoon so I’m going to consider it a success. I like it, too, but I don’t have half as many Grammys to my name as he does.







And now some silliness with Humpty Dumpty. I used to do a very surreal Humpty Dumpty routine in my one-man show. Humpty sang a strange, bittersweet song about lost love (he was gay, in love with Eggs Benedict) while his arms wafted back and forth musically as he emoted through the ballad. It was a real tear jerker. Here’s me as Humpty around 2001.



Lastly, I offer you a super hero I could really use. I despise blister packs and wish we as a species would outlaw them. Apart from them being an environmental nightmare (I assume) they are also dangerous and frustrating. I don’t know how many fingers I’ve cut off accidentally while trying to get into one of those things. (Okay, I just counted and I haven’t actually lost any fingers, but it’s only a matter of time.)

More super hero cartoons can be found in my latest book!

Desert Bach Honesty Cattle

Bizarro is brought to you today by Just Deserts.

I’ve been working hard on my new, live comedy show and I really hope some faithful Jazz Pickles show up to see me. Currently I’m booked in San Francisco on April 26, at 7pm and 9pm at The Dark Room in The Mission. Click here for info and tix. This is a very small venue and is already almost sold out, so get your tix now!

I’m doing it again the next night, April 27, up in Mill Valley, across the Golden Gate Bridge. Click here for tix and info, JPs. This is a bigger venue but will likely sell out, too, so hurry!

If you want to earn extra Pickle Points, send these links to people you know in that area who are already JPs or should be. My shows are damned funny and I guarantee you’ll have a great time. Also, I’ll be selling/signing books and posters after, being friendly to you, and taking pictures you can post on FB. It’s a win/win/win/win.  Not sure if that’s enough “wins” but it might be.


Here are the cartoons that I published this week so far. Some are fun, right? I hope you think so.


One last thing: Can I ask you to join my FrontOfYourHeadBook page?

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