Shaggy Dogg Storry

bz panel 11-25-13bz strip 11-25-13bz panel 11-26-13bz strip 11-26-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Luchador.

Welcome to Twofer Tuesday. The “two” in twofer stands for two cartoons, as you have most certainly figured out if your brain function is anywhere close to normal.

The reason I often post two cartoons on Tuesday is because I was too busy on Monday to post. The reason I’m often too busy on Monday to post is that that is the day that I am supposed to send in a new week’s worth of cartoons to King Features but I’ve rarely got them done and don’t feel I can waste any time posting. The reason I’ve rarely got them done is because on weekends I am either too busy or too lazy to get much work done. (On a really good weekend, it is both.) The reason I say “lazy” is because I love few things more than lounging around on Sundays watching football with my goddam dog, Jemima, who sleeps on my lap. The reason she’s a “goddam” dog is because when I leave her home alone for too long (more than 90 seconds) she finds something of mine to drag out to the backyard and chew on. To date, she has destroyed two pairs of my shoes, a pair of motorcycle glasses, numerous socks (I assume they’ve been destroyed because they’ve been missing for a long time) a pair of pants, a glove, a stocking cap (Canadians: what you amusingly call a “tuke” or “toque”) a TV remote, over 850 pounds of trash and recycling (her favorite treat when I forget to put the recycling bin out of reach) a bunch of bananas, and the wooden gate separating my yard from the neighbor’s. (more…)

SPECIAL REPORT

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Colonoscopies.

Well, Jazz Pickles, it’s that time of year again when men all over the world are encouraged to pay a relative stranger to insert a finger into their anus.

Yes, it’s November and that means that the hideous shocking pink (my opinion of the color) of the booby cancer folks steps aside for the prickly upper lips of men in the Movember movement. (more…)

Rex Me Up

bz panel 07-15-13bz strip 07-15-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Badass Messiah.

Over the weekend, Klamelda and I went to a big fundraiser here in LA sponsored by the Derby Dolls: a women’s roller derby league. It was held in several large warehouse spaces and the parking lots of said buildings. They had circus performers and various other sideshow kinds of things, as well as an exhibition match between two derby teams. It was a blast. (more…)

Bitter Pachyderm Philtrum Swashbuckling Drinker Teen Whale

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Time Magazine.

“If you’re only reading the cartoons on BizarroBlog, you’re missing most of Piraro’s genius.”––Time Magazine

Okay, that never appeared in Time Magazine. But from some of the comments that readers make, I know that plenty of people are only scanning the cartoons briefly and skipping all of this delicious text that I pour so much of my heart and soul into. So I thought maybe a phony quote would encourage them to read on. Am I a bad man? Yes, but it has nothing to do with that phony quote. (more…)