Red-nosed Reefer

bz panel 12-24-13bz strip 12-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Family Time!

Oh, my, it’s Christmas Eve! Here at Rancho Bizarro (where I live, as opposed to Bizarro International Headquarters, where I and my team of mutant camels create Bizarro products) we don’t put up a tree, but rather a green folding chair with all of the delightful holiday cards we’ve received this season taped to it. So far, there are three, but the mail hasn’t arrived yet today. Thanks to my parents, Kate and Michael, and John and Anne, who sent cards. Your unnecessary depletion of our planet’s precious, life-sustaining forests is much appreciated! (more…)

Merry Corporate Machine

bz panel 12-23-14bz strip 12-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Importance of Font Choice and Kerning in Package Design.

If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I was deathly ill over the weekend. Thanks for all the well-wishes and home remedies, Jazz Pickles. I am happy to report that the Grim Reaper has been sent on his way with nothing to show for his trouble and I am miraculously well again. Sometimes it is good to have your ass kicked by Mother Nature for a day or two to remind you of what is truly important in life: Mexican food, scotch, cigars, and all of the other things you cannot enjoy when you can’t go more than a few minutes without barfing like a freshman on spring break. (more…)

Xmas comiX

‘Twas the night before Christmas and I was too lazy to type out “it was.”

For your holiday amusement, I present today’s cartoon PLUS a few of my favorite Bizarro cartoons from past years. Feel free to copy, save, forward, post, etc. Have a happy and prosperous whatever you’re having, Jazz Pickles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Santa Ruminant Heathen Odorless Maneuver Amputee Webcam

(To see this cartoon as big as the star over the nativity scene, click the ball on Santa’s hat.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Christmas Kidnapping.

The bizarre and convoluted imagery of modern-day Christmas has fascinated me since I was old enough to notice it. (Sometime in my teens.) I’ve since learned that there are many and various ancient myths and holidays that were incorporated into it over the centuries, including the virgin birth (the birth of heroes to virgins, often with some kind of god as the father, are common in many pre-Christian mythologies), the king born of poverty (another common mythological element and likely the reason that to this day, Americans like to vote for a “down home” candidate for president, the sort you’d want to “have a beer with”), the Christmas tree, (a pagan symbol of the winter solstice), and Santa Claus (derived from the pre-Christian, Germanic god, Odin, who flew through the skies giving gifts at Yule [Dec 25] on an eight-legged horse, later morphed into eight reindeer.) Anyway, for the past couple of Christmases, I’ve had some fun combining modern elements of the holiday with the original nativity scene of Christian mythology. Here’s last year’s, in case you’ve forgotten. (more…)

Christmas Cavalcade O’Comics

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Weekend!

I won’t spend a lot of time blogging today because I’ve got holiday events to attend. Since I don’t celebrate Xmas and I’m tired of Festivus, I’ve decided this year to give tribute to Kwanzaa. Some people are all, “that’s just a made-up holiday!” Well, guess what, genius, ALL holidays are made up, by definition. Nature doesn’t have holidays, you big goober. You probably feel silly now, don’t you? Well, you should but it’s the holiday season so let’s just move past that in the spirit of forgiveness. (more…)