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Nepotism’s Double-Edged Sword

(To get you some enbiggenated cartoons, click you a shadow in any image.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Never Stopping, Just To Be Safe.

There is much to talk about today but I promise it will be rewarding in a way that will punish those who come here only for a quick scan of the cartoons and don’t read the text or click the links. Woe is them.
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Houseguests

(Find yourself wanting more embiggenation out of any of these cartoons? This desire can be satisfied by the mere clickage of the images.)

Happy holidays and other things, Jazz Pickles! I hope you’re having (or have had) a lovely holiday month and that the good times will continue to roll into the new year. As a special holiday treat, I’ve put some of my favorite Bizarro holiday cartoons of the past behind the blue links in this post, so be sure to click those and claim your BONUS CHUCKLES––you’ve earned them! (Don’t ask me how you’ve earned them. I’m only pretending to know you.) Let’s start with this mash-up of competing mythologies.

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Small Domiciles

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(To embiggenate any cartoon, move your screen closer to your face. Or just click the image.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Beard Espalier.

The number over my signature in today’s Old West Extravaganza tells us that there are seven Secret Symbols to hunt for and I think I might have even gotten the count correct this time. Lately, there have been a spate of inaccurate symbol counts and I apologize for that. Like I used to tell my 7th grade math teacher, “What’s with your obsession with absolute accuracy all the time? Geez.” 
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Flaming Keyboard

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(Click any image to embiggenate it.)Bizarro 03-13-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Clean.

My favorite thing about today’s cartoon (above) is the art, and by that I mean the glow of the fire. I can’t say the joke is all that compelling, to be honest. In the collection of writings that Christians call the Old Testament and Jews call the Torah, god appears to Moses as a burning bush and gives him the famous Ten Commandments. For some reason I thought that if that happened today it would be a burning computer. What bushes have to do with computers is anyone’s guess. I’ve no clue. I’ve nothing more to say about this cartoon other than when you have to write a joke each day for over thirty years, a few are going to be clunkers.
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Big Bed Roll

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(Click any image to make your embiggenation dreams come true.) 
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Remembrances.

I’m a big fan of memory foam mattresses. I’ve slept on all kinds of things and tend to have an achy back (because I am a male Homo sapiens past the age of 35) and memory foam is by far the best for me. They are very strange to try to pick up or move, however, because they are much heavier, floppier, and denser than a traditional mattress. Picking up a queen-size memory foam mattress is not unlike trying to move several adult human corpses stuffed into a gigantic sandwich bag. And the answer to your next question is yes.
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Performance Chops

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(Anyone can make these cartoons bigger by clicking on them. Are you anyone?)Bizarro 10-18-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you this week by A Lighthearted Message from the NRA.

Most comedy clubs have amateur nights of some sort––which they now usually call “Open Mic Night”–– but in this case, even the audience is full of amateurs. More advanced comics readers will also notice that even the spotlight isn’t sure what its job is. I’ve done a fair amount of stand-up comedy in my day and I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever been curious about it; making a roomful of strangers laugh is even easier than it looks and not scary at all. Unless you have any fear of standing under a bright light in public and experiencing the deafening silence of complete and utter rejection.
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Rodent Transportation

For the making of a biggerized image, click said image.
Bizarro 08-23-15 HdrWEBBizarro has NOT been brought to you today by Dismaland
Bizarro 08-23-15 WEBCoincidental to the publication of my Disneyesque Cinderella cartoon, was the opening a couple days ago of a very dark, strange, and elaborate art exhibition in England by world-famous guerilla artist, Bansky, called “Dismaland.” It’s not for everyone but I find it pretty amazing, particularly this reference to Princess Diana’s death. Banksy described the show as a “family theme park unsuitable for children”. To be clear, I knew nothing of the opening of this dystopian theme park exhibition; my publishing of a Cinderella cartoon today was entirely coincidental.bz panel 08-17-15Meanwhile, back in Bizarroland, a group of cowboys are fighting it out over the only horse in town. “One horse town” is an American expression referring to any remote, rural town that is so small it only has one horse. Or, in modern times, perhaps one car. In case you didn’t know.bz panel 08-18-15My buddy, Brian Levy, recently told me he was addicted to avocados and it sparked this idea. I didn’t name the main character Brian because I didn’t want to insinuate he has a drinking problem, but he later told me he wished I had used his name anyway. That’s just how desperate Brian is for attention. :^}bz panel 08-19-15Speaking of dismal, here’s a cartoon about the sort of travesty the fine art world is regularly involved in. Everything about this cartoon except the wording of the recorded tour is entirely true. I’d love to know what art historians will have to say about 20th century art in 500 years, assuming there is still a human civilization capable of caring about art.bz panel 08-20-15I particularly like this cartoon because I enjoy wordplay and strange grammar. My partner, Olive Oyl, can attest to how often I say things in alternative ways or intentionally mispronounce words. I find it amusing but I’m sure it’s quite annoying to the people around me trying to understand what I’m talking about. This can also pass as an editorial on lousy teachers, of which there are plenty. Teaching children, especially in public schools, is grueling, unenviable work and becomes more challenging each year. I think this makes the good teachers even more admirable and the lousy ones more understandable.
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Circular Chuckling

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Jazz Pickles Jiggle.

I’m trying a new format today to see if it reduces some problems some folks have viewing this blog on various futuristic devices. Let me know if this is better or worse.

ALSO: Always remember that cartoon prints make affordable and classy gifts for yourself, friends, family, and enemies alike. Just find the image you want using the Bizarro.com calendar thing, and click the “buy prints” link below!Bizarro 06-14-15 hdrWEB
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Cat Fancy

Bizarro 05-31-15 hdrWEBBizarro is brought to you today by Creepy Love.

Just got back from a weekend in San Francisco, a city that Olive Oyl and I dearly love and would live in if it weren’t for the weather. Unless the sun is shining, I’m genetically programmed to be a serial killer, so I try to live where my neighbors and loved ones will be safe.
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The Week in Wackadoodle

bizarro 01-11-15 hdr WEBBizarro 01-11-15 WEBbz panel 01-05-15bz strip 01-05-15bz panel 01-06-15bz strip 01-06-15bz panel 01-07-15bz strip 01-07-15bz panel 01-08-15bz strip 01-08-15bz panel 01-09-15bz strip 01-09-15bz panel 01-10-15bz strip 01-10-15Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Kind of Drum Music.

My big Sunday cartoon today (click it to make it bigger) is about a topic that has been on my mind a bit lately. I ride motorcycles and a bicycle through the streets of Los Angeles and cannot tell you the number of times I’ve almost been mowed down by someone messing with their smartphone while they are supposed to be driving. Seriously, people, is your Facebook status or that text that just came in worth spending time in prison for manslaughter? But, like all dark clouds, there is a silver lining: I never wait in traffic lines anymore when I need to get over into a crowded lane. I just go past the traffic, then slowly and calmly move into the desired lane at the last minute in any one of several huge gaps left by people who are looking at their smartphones instead of moving when it’s their turn. Most of them don’t even notice I’m cutting in line because to do that, they’d have to be paying attention to what can be seen through the windshield of their car.
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