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It’s been a shitstorm of a week here at Rancho Bizarro. I published a cartoon on Friday that a lot of people misconstrued so I posted an explanation and apology on my FB page, and that led to hundreds of comments and arguments. More on that later in this post.
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Uber Legume

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Bizarro 07-10-16 WEB

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Hey, Jazz Pickles. Sorry for the delayed post, I’m out of town and things are wonky.

The cartoon above is a pun on the Uber phenomenon, which has revolutionized the taxi industry; cheaper and more efficient for the consumer, not a good thing for the traditional taxi folks. But that’s beside the point. The point here is a frivolous pun about Uber and goober. (Goober is slang for “peanut”.) The car is a Mercury Comet from the 70s. I like drawing vintage vehicles, especially oddball, goofy ones like this. The truck being used in this cartoon by Bunny’s Pie Repair is some kind of mid-century, British utility van that I found a picture of on the Interwebs. I don’t remember the name of it. Be sure to click on the image and embiggenate it to find the various background jokes and the secret symbols, which today number 7.
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Grammarant

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(To commence the embiggenation process, click any vowel on any image.)Bizarro 05-08-16 WEB

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I’ve confessed here before that I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. So I thought it might be fun to create some circus sideshow banners of people correctly using commonly misused phrases and words. The first one is an age-old pet peeve of mine. I’ve not done an in-depth study of it but I’d estimate that 95% of Americans say “I could care less” rather than the correct, “I couldn’t care less,” when they want to express indifference. Yes, people will know what you mean either way and that’s the main point of language, but it drives me a little bit nuts that “I could care less” means exactly the opposite of what you’re trying to say. I care about my mother (happy Mother’s Day, Mom!) and so it would be very possible for me to care less about her. It would not be possible for me to care more about her. On the other hand, if I care nothing at all about something, it would not be possible for me to care less because I already don’t care at all. And so, I “couldn’t” care less. Don’t think of it as a phrase, think of the literal meaning of the words you are saying.
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Deadly Sins of Humor

Click any image to embiggenate it.Bizarro 08-16-15 hdrWEB

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Bizarro 08-16-15 WEBI hope you find this gag as humorous as I do. I was musing one day about Disney’s Seven Dwarves and the general personality types evident in their names and suddenly made a leap to the Catholic Church’s ancient seven deadly sins, which are wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony, pride, envy, and lust. So I came up with seven dwarf-like names for each of these vices and I had a cartoon. I badly wanted “Frisky” to be named “Horny,” but that word is too scary for newspaper funny pages. bz panel 08-10-15Following is last week’s roundup, starting with this cartoon about the ultra eco-friendly Flintstone mobile. It is said that everything comes back into style eventually and the way our little life raft’s climate is changing, we may all be living in the Stone Age again one day.  bz panel 08-11-15This cartoon about an auction house harkens back to another famous Disney animated film, Cinderella. You may recall that her carriage on that magical night was made from a pumpkin and the horses that pulled it were rats or mice. Memory fails.bz panel 08-12-15I’m no more certain of what this sheep cartoon means than you probably are, so I’ll just let it sit and be whatever you want it to be. bz panel 08-13-15Since I was a child I’ve questioned our species’ shame over our bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a nudist and am just as vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment about such things as the average person because that’s the way I was raised, but I am able to intellectually see the ridiculousness of it. To me, it is clearly an attempt to control our sexuality, which became more important around 10,000 years ago when agriculture was invented and people began “owning” things and thus wanting to pass them down to their own offspring. I’m convinced that before that humans were much more liberal sexually, which is closer to our biological nature. That’s why monogamy is so difficult for most of us. For more fascinating info on this kind of thing, read “Sex at Dawn” by Christopher Ryan.bz panel 08-14-15This is a simple turn-around joke but I still really like it. A “lap dog” could either be one that sits on your lap or one that has a lap you could sit on. In the bottom corner you’ll notice a birthday message to my lovely life partner, Olive Oyl. I did that because it was her birthday. Since we are both motorcycle enthusiasts, we took a ride on our bikes to a small, SoCal town and spent the night in a campy old motel that has been renovated for hipsters like us. It was fun. bz panel 08-15-15My Saturday gag for the week is about a lazy musician’s clever invention. I love that it works as a graphic because that’s how you’d draw a fast moving bow, but in reality, it wouldn’t look like it was moving at all. Hahaha. My eldest daughter, Krapuzar, was a pretty talented violinist as a kid and I still occasionally think of violin gags as a result.
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Hunter Fan Hero Liar

bz panel 09-04-14bz strip 09-04-14bz panel 09-05-14bz strip 09-05-14bz panel 09-06-14bz strip 09-06-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Store Manager Wisdom.

 

Phony, fad diets like Paleo are a favorite topic of mine when I can find a good idea with which to skewer them. I think this one is pretty funny. Large amounts of meat are horrible for the human body unless you combine them with enormous amounts of exercise, which our primitive ancestors most certainly did. If you’re thinking “But I lost a lot of weight on the Paleo Diet,” keep in mind that people on meth lose a lot of weight, too. Doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. (more…)