A Bird in the Hand

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Lifestyle Choices.Bizarro 07-26-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-26-15 WEBRegarding the above cartoon, one reader left the following comment: “The idea of advocating romantic relationships between species is disgusting and exactly what the Christian Right predicted would happen if we legalized gay marriage!” Okay, that reader was me, but I wish I’d gotten that complaint because it’s funny.bz panel 07-20-15I’ve long called martial arts “the pajama arts” but I mean no insult by it. I find it fascinating that a barefooted person wearing pajamas can beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, wearing protective gear and ass-kicking boots. Or at least, that’s how it happens in the movies.bz panel 07-21-15This coffee gag is one that has doubtless been thought of a million times and I did a version of it way back in the early 90s myself. But it’s fun, people like it, and my job is to amuse my readers not stroke my own ego with my clever originality, so here it is.
bz panel 07-22-15I’m simple minded so I like to think of karma as a literal leveling force that rewards good and bad people appropriately and immediately. If that were true, however, Donald Trump would’ve lost his fortune overnight and be the only white dude on an all-Latino landscaping crew.bz panel 07-23-15If you’re from somewhere in the world other than the Southern United States, this gag might elude you because you don’t know that waitresses in those areas often call everyone “Hon,” which is short for “Honey”. And the guy in the chair is Attila the Hun, of course. A super simple gag, but it makes me laugh.bz panel 07-24-15Here’s some fun with a street food vendor. Or maybe he isn’t a “food” vendor. Or maybe the umbrellas are made of lunchmeat. We may never know.bz panel 07-25-15Lastly this week, we have the palm reader who takes her job very literally. This is the only kind of palm reader I would trust, but that’s just me.

Secrets of the Trade

bz panel 05-27-13Bizarro is brought to you today by A LOT of Tie Dye.

Here’s how cartooning works:

1. I draw and submit the best cartoon I can, then forget about it.

2. Weeks later when it publishes, I grab it for this blog. At this time I often think of things that would have made the cartoon better. In this case, the caption should have been, “I see a small, green stranger in your future,” which would, of course, refer to the next cycle of the crossing light. Here, I regret having gone with the cliche palm reader line seen here.

3. I say to myself, “Damn.”

4. I say to myself, “Oh well.”

My job here is done. Back to the drawing board.