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Escape Photo Evidence Beer

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Jazz Pickles Go To Mate.

 

One enduring question of evolution is why sea creatures began slithering onto land. In the first cartoon of this post, I present my theory.

 

 

 

 

 

My second cartoon today is another of my Bigfoot renditions, of which I’ve done many. A few people have asked me what this one means, exactly. If you are one of those who are wondering, I would ask if you’ve ever tried to get a good picture of Bigfoot. (more…)

Sunday Punnies #34

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(Click on any image to enbiggenize it.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Baboon Spotting.

Have you been dying to see some funny, funny pun you thought of illustrated by a syndicated cartoonist? I doubt it. But if you have, this is your chance. The puns in my Sunday Punnies series are all submitted by readers like you. Look at the bottom corner of each panel and you’ll see a name that COULD BE YOURS AT SOME FUTURE DATE! Wow. That’s exciting, isn’t it? (more…)

Reeling It In

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(To see any of these images larger, click them real good.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Men of Action!

Lately I’ve been doing some pretty realistic images for my cartoons. I don’t know why I’ve always been a fan of realism, perhaps it is simply the challenge of fooling the eye. As a contrast, I’ve posted a cartoon of mine from 1998 below, when I was in a period in which I was deliberately stepping away from realism and into much more cartoony-looking images. At the time, I intended to stay in that mode indefinitely but I found that I gradually drifted back toward realism over time, almost without noticing. Obviously, different gags require different styles of drawings and I think the one about ice fishermen above benefits from the realism whereas the one below might seem awkward if it were realistic. Still, I’m interested in what you Jazz Pickles think of these two different styles.  Which do you guys generally prefer: my realistic images or my very cartoony ones?biz11tsl (more…)

Pillow Talk Pollo

bz panel 01-24-14bz strip 01-24-14Bizarro is brought to you today by What I’m Not Listening To Today.

I confess I have no idea why I wrote this gag. For some reason I thought that a guy at an obgyn’s office being told he had a pillow in his shirt would be funny. Now I’m not so sure. It would’ve been a little funnier if he’d been in one of those stirrup chairs but maybe not much funnier. I can’t believe I missed that detail. Perhaps I was drunk or high or just experiencing a momentary lapse in I.Q.  I don’t know the answer, but here is the result. Perhaps one or two of you will find it amusing for some personal reason. (more…)

Love You To Death

Bizarro 10-13-13 WEB1 (You may enbiggenate this cartoon by clicking on the detective’s gold shield.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Love and Death.

Some may find today’s cartoon a bit morbid, but it is my firm belief that most elderly couples who’ve been together for decades secretly wish each other dead.

From an anthropological perspective, humans are not meant to be “married” for more than 20 years. The biological purpose of marriage and monogamy is to ensure the man that any child the woman has belongs to him and ensure the woman that she’ll have help raising her incredibly slow-growing offspring. But since we humans are impossibly complex, mutant apes, we’ve built myriad other functions and expectations into the marriage relationship. Now that we live so much longer than we used to, it causes problems. (more…)

Guess the Guest

Bz panel 07-01-13bz strip 07-01-13Bizarro is brought to you by Guest Host.

Hey, Jazz Pickles. Remember a while back I went to Yosemite for a week with Klamelda? Well, I was able to do that because by good friend and talented colleague, J.C.Duffy of The Fusco Brothers and TheNew Yorker magazine fame, did a week of cartoons for me. It’s the syndicated cartoon world’s version of a vacation, since we are under contract to provide 7 cartoons per week, 52 weeks per year, forever until we retire or die. We don’t get holidays or sick time or vacation time or time off to breast feed our newborns; we just have to keep cranking out cartoons every florping day until we jump off of a bridge. It’s a white-hot hell. But with the help of J.C., I managed to steal a week of downtime. I could just kiss him. (But I promise not to do it here.) (more…)

Cops

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Criminals of America.

This cartoon is, of course, a parody of the classic “good cop, bad cop” routine. If you’re not an aficionado of crime dramas or have never been arrested for a major crime and interrogated, it goes something like this: A tough cop begins the interrogation and roughs the suspect up a bit, screaming and yelling and pretending he’s going to go postal, then a nicer cop steps in, stops him, and says something like, “Look, I can’t control this guy forever, you’d better give me a little info to settle him down or I can’t guarantee your safety. Here’s a cigarette and a Coke.” The bad guy frightens the crook, the nice guy gets him to talk. (more…)

Blurry Superstition Death Paternity Donut Cell Hives

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sheer Luck.

Have you ever felt that the world is suddenly wider and that the rules have changed so that everything you were used to before is now somehow inapplicable and you are starting from scratch? I have had that feeling this week because my blog got incorporated into King Features’ Mighty Network of Cartoonist Blogs and Other Things Designed to Help Cartoonists Make a Living Which is Harder Than You Might Assume. (I don’t think that is the literal name of their new network, but you get the idea.) In other words, the format of my blog changed a little and now the way I post is different and it slows me down. It’s not your problem, of course, I just wanted to vent because you are my only friend. (Yes, you.) (more…)

Corpse Lineup Crackpot Signage

Bizarro is brought to you today by a Terrible Mime.

Good day, Jazz Pickles. There have been countless cartoons done about mimes but I’m very proud of this one because it seems to me to be a new angle and we cartoonists love coming up with a new angle on a common cartoon cliche.  It also has the added benefit of being one of those cartoons that you don’t get immediately until you look closely. I love that kind of humor and my Jazz Pickles tell me they do, too. (more…)

You’re Not Hallucinating

(If you are among the dozens of people all over the world who want to see this image larger, do what half of them are doing all across the nation –– click the elephant!)

Bizarro is brought to you by Well Wishes.

Today, I would first like to extend my most sincere apologies for not having posted this cartoon sooner. What a excrement noggin I am for publishing a cartoon that tells people to go directly to this web site, then have nothing posted there about the reason why. I hate myself and you should, too. (Hate me, not yourself.) (more…)

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