Dangerous Magic

(If thou desires embiggenation, thee must no more than click the image of thine desire.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dangerous Magic.

It was another wild week at Rancho Bizarro. One of my cartoons caused an uproar of praise and condemnation from both sides of the trench (“aisle” seems too civilized for today’s political atmosphere) but more about that in a bit. And also my new home country of Mexico gave us a surprise gift in the form of this thing that popped up spontaneously in one of the flower pots that was already on our patio when we bought the place. I believe they call that a “volunteer”. Thank you, Madre Naturaleza.
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Pyramid Builders Union

(To embiggenate these images to “a million, a million and a half people on the mall,” click the invisible unicorn that dances on your imaginary rainbow.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Alternative Facts.

It was another supremely disturbing week in American politics and one wonders how long the pace of insanity can remain this furious. If you were under a rock last week and didn’t witness the ongoing carnival of spoiled brat billionaires trading your rights, ideals, and environment for cash in their pockets, definitely stay there. Do not come out. Under a rock is the only safe place to be right now.
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Bush Voyeurs

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(Enjoy these cartoons more through the magic of embiggenation. Click any article of clothing within a cartoon to achieve it.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Another Monkey Cartoon.

What happens when a super smart British lady crouches in the bushes for 56 years? We find out a lot about chimps and also ourselves, since we are their closest relatives, that’s what! Some of what she learned is that, like us, chimps sometimes commit random acts of violence against their own kind and that we, like them, if imprisoned in a zoo, sometimes go crazy and throw poop. Yes, I am intentionally writing this paragraph as a sixth-grade C student might write a school report.
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Big Bed Roll

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(Click any image to make your embiggenation dreams come true.) 
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Bizarro is brought to you today by Remembrances.

I’m a big fan of memory foam mattresses. I’ve slept on all kinds of things and tend to have an achy back (because I am a male Homo sapiens past the age of 35) and memory foam is by far the best for me. They are very strange to try to pick up or move, however, because they are much heavier, floppier, and denser than a traditional mattress. Picking up a queen-size memory foam mattress is not unlike trying to move several adult human corpses stuffed into a gigantic sandwich bag. And the answer to your next question is yes.
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History Lesson

Bizarro 03-09-14 hdrWEBBizarro 03-09-14 WEB1(Click on any image to biggify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Protecting Your Chocolate With Nails.

For centuries, people have thought that the pyramids in Egypt were burial thingies because mummies have been found inside. But archeologists have discovered that this was actually a later adaptation of the pyramids, which were originally built as ski slopes. We now know that aliens (from what is now Mexico) visited Egypt in the -23rd century and sold the local Tut on investing in what they promised would be a huge moneymaker for the region. They taught them how to build pyramids but it took them so long to complete them that the aliens lost interest before they were finished and returned home before giving them the formula for artificial snow. The gigantic construction project cost a fortune and became a huge embarrassment to the local politicians who approved it, so the locals killed them and buried them inside the phony mountains. (more…)