Chordate Chords

Bizarro 05-05-13 WEB










(To see these beasts closer to life-size, click the Hippo’s belt buckle.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rockin’ Non-Humans.

Until relatively recently, scientists believed that large mammals only participated in jazz and classical music. Then, in June of 2006, explorers from National Geographic happened across a heavy metal band in the African Congo. They weren’t particularly good, but then you don’t have to be to play heavy metal. Perhaps the strangest element of this band was not that they were breaking all previously held scientific beliefs about non-human mammal musicianship, but that the drummer was able to consistently show up on time to rehearsals and gigs, in spite of the fact that he had no visible means of traveling on land. This is doubly surprising because it is something that human drummers can rarely accomplish. (more…)

Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

(For a larger, more beautiful view of this cartoon, click the left eye of the man wearing the milk ski mask.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creative Parenting.

Not long ago my tiny friend, Victor the Boy Genius, suggested some alternate milk fashions akin to the famous milk mustache ads everyone in America has seen in the recent years. I added to them and created this hilariously, humorously, hysterically funny comic. Oh my goodness, the laughs just keep coming. To add to his already terrifyingly overblown ego, I used a picture of him as the model for the cartoon boy in this cartoon. Good lard, I would not want to be around Victor the Boy Genius today. His head would be the size of Omaha. (For my foreign readers, that’s a stunningly beautiful city and a MAJOR tourist attraction in the middle of the United States somewhere.) (more…)

Jungle Jeep Easter Accident Fish

Bizarro is brought to you by Super Hero Nursing Home.

For me, the fun of this gag is in the drawing. It’s a simple turn-of-a-popular-phrase kind of joke, but drawing the lions and their post-modern house was a kick. I love drawing anthropomorphized animals but don’t often do it. If you want to delve into deeper philosophical meanings, you can also say that this cartoon illustrates how far from nature we have drifted as a species. A good example of this kind of thinking is the way we often frame teenage sexuality in a moral context of “good” and “evil.” If you throw out the human construct of “morals” and just notice that teenagers are mammals and their bodies are driven to reproduce, the discussion is much simpler. When my daughters were growing up, I always discussed sexuality in biological terms and instead of telling them it was “wrong” to go too far too young, I explained the psychological effects of sexual relationships and how it can make life much more complicated and unpleasant when it doesn’t go well (and the first few almost never do). As well as the obvious discussion about how disruptive STDs and teen pregnancy can be. Then I  left the decision to them. Both of them had relatively sane relationships with boys as a result. (Or at least, I’m happy to take the credit.)  I’ve long thought that the farther away from nature you get, the harder it is to make sense of life. Not that I live in a teepee in the woods. (more…)

Rhino Funeral Shirt Drugs

(Are you one of the dozens of readers who would like to see this cartoon bigger? If so, click the kooky painting on the wall.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Day I Drew “Luann.”

It is always amusing to imagine one’s own funeral. I don’t delude myself into thinking that all of my Facebook friends would be there, of course. But however many people show up, I’d like to think they’ll have a good time. (more…)