Feedbag

bizarro-10-16-16-hdrweb

(Click the pictures I have left here for greater embiggenation.)

NOTE: AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST ARE THE DETAILS OF TWO, FREE COMEDY TALKS I’M DOING THIS WEEK IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

bizarro-10-16-16-web

Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Times.

This is the second cartoon I’ve done recently about large, lumpy surgical masks. (Here is the other.) Sometimes when I’m gag writing I think of a joke that leads to another similar one. If they are different enough, I’ll use them both. A few times in the past, I’ve challenged myself to come up with enough jokes on a particular topic to run an entire week. I did that once in 2002 with dry cleaner gags, shown below. One of my favorite aspects of this series was the signs in each gag about what happens to customers’ clothes left too long. You’ll need to click each one to temporarily embiggenate it so you can read those signs.
(more…)

Successful Inferior Parakeet Hostage

bz panel 10-13-14bz strip 10-13-14bz panel 10-14-14bz strip 10-14-14bz panel 10-15-14bz strip 10-15-14

 

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dressing For Success.

 

I’m not sure where this gentleman is from but wherever it is, he’s enviably successful. And, I want to live there. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My own personal adventures in therapy have yielded amazing results and by following this simple credo––Be an inferior version of someone better than you––I’ve become who I am today. Just think of me as a poor man’s Walt Disney. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.) (more…)

Cats Tongues Dogs

Bizarro 09-14-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 09-14-14 WEB(Get your FREE larger view of any of these images RIGHT NOW by clicking them!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Australian Parking Lot.

People often say they prefer cats over dogs because they are cleaner. I suppose that’s true if you consider an animal covered in spit to be clean. I like cats and dogs, but when it comes to cleaning, I prefer dogs. With a dog, you can drop food on the floor and it gets cleaned up instantly. Even if a cat does eat the food you drop, they are just as likely to hop up on the couch and vomit it back up, so it’s much more of a moving service than a cleaning service. (Purchase a print of this cartoon.) (more…)

Crime 11 Awareness Geriatric

bz panel 06-26-14bz strip 06-26-14bz panel 06-27-14bz strip 06-27-14bz panel 06-28-14bz strip 06-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by House Pets.

What I like most about this armed robbery cartoon is imagining the robber saying all of this very matter-of-factly, the way someone might end a sentence with “yada, yada, yada”. Tons of people have real-life excuses for bad behavior but there is growing evidence that we don’t have nearly as much free choice as we think we do. Many scientists are beginning to suspect that given our specific DNA wiring, we are compelled to make the decisions we make––good, bad, and indifferent––and there is little we can do about it. Our brains simply tell us that this is the best course of action at the moment and we do it, thinking we made a “choice”. This notion is radical and counterintuitive, to say the least, but it might well be true. Oops…there goes another tenet of traditional human religions. (more…)

History Lesson

Bizarro 03-09-14 hdrWEBBizarro 03-09-14 WEB1(Click on any image to biggify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Protecting Your Chocolate With Nails.

For centuries, people have thought that the pyramids in Egypt were burial thingies because mummies have been found inside. But archeologists have discovered that this was actually a later adaptation of the pyramids, which were originally built as ski slopes. We now know that aliens (from what is now Mexico) visited Egypt in the -23rd century and sold the local Tut on investing in what they promised would be a huge moneymaker for the region. They taught them how to build pyramids but it took them so long to complete them that the aliens lost interest before they were finished and returned home before giving them the formula for artificial snow. The gigantic construction project cost a fortune and became a huge embarrassment to the local politicians who approved it, so the locals killed them and buried them inside the phony mountains. (more…)