Dummy Drawings

Bizarro is brought to you today by Horse In The Road.

Bizarro 06-28-15 hdrWEB

I’ve been on holiday for a couple weeks (SO rare for me!) and so now that I’m back at headquarters I feel as though I’ve been thrown from a speeding car onto a highway full of emails. Ugh.

Meanwhile, here are the cartoons that published while I was away and that I’ve not posted here yet.Bizarro 06-28-15 WEBBreaking up is never fun, even when one of you is made of wood and plastic. Bizarro 07-05-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 07-05-15 WEbHere’s another in my ongoing series of Sunday Punnies, which are puns that readers send to me and I figure out a funny way to illustrate them. Congrats to Dennis Barley, Kelly Cox, and Ed Saugstad for submitting this batch! Side note: The bunny in the title panel and at the top left of the Sunday Punnies is not the usual Bizarro Bunny, but her boyfriend, Sterphen. (That’s not a typo, that’s how he spells his name.)

bz panel 06-22-15I don’t know if “peep show” is even a phrase anymore but it used to be. It referred to commercial establishments where one could see fairly nekked ladies, I think.bz panel 06-23-15I didn’t go to college so I can’t be sure, but I’ve always figured it would be something like this.bz panel 06-24-15I don’t recommend trying this on the streets unless you’re wearing a good lice repellent. bz panel 06-25-15One thing I hate about the neighborhood where I live is that it is illegal to park on the streets between 2am and 5am. I hate those kinds of laws, which always seem to me to be fostered by some control freak who just as to meddle in the lives of their neighbors. A friend of ours didn’t know about this law and left her car in the street overnight while housesitting for us and got a ticket. Obviously, once car isn’t a party. Seems like a warning would be the decent thing to do in a case like this. Assholes.bz panel 06-26-15I know there’s only supposed to be one Anti-Christ but there have been times when I was certain both of my ex-wives were it. I was wrong about the first one, jury’s still out on the most recent.bz panel 06-27-15I like supermodel puns because I can’t think of a single thing about any supermodel that is super. Except maybe their bank account.bz panel 06-29-15Lately I’ve been running across people who come from enormous families of 8 or 10 or 12 siblings. If anyone out there has this problem and is wondering where the kids keep coming from, I’d be happy to draw you some diagrams.bz panel 06-30-15This cartoon is as close to a Dilbert gag as I typically get.bz panel 07-01-15There’s an old saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’m just explaining why.bz panel 07-02-15I’ve never bought into that myth that all people are created equal. Some folks are just hopeless.bz panel 07-04-15Footlong hot dogs are things I’ve made fun of in cartoons before. I wonder why I spelled “hotdog” as two words in the caption and why my editor didn’t tell me to change it. BTW: The price signs have a gag or two in them.bz panel 07-03-15I’m so glad my parents aren’t the meddling type. Once my sisters and I were adults, they’ve always left us to make our own decisions unless we ask their opinion. Some of my friends are not so fortunate with their parents.

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Uranus in Your…

Bizarro is brought to you today by Freaky Crab Hand.

Why do I find static electricity jokes funny? I think that perhaps it is because when I was in grade school, my dad was in a meeting at work and felt something in the sleeve of his suit jacket, reached in a pulled out a baby sock which he then quickly tucked into a pocket so his colleagues would not see it. I remember him and my mother laughing about this when he got home and it stuck with me. I hope you enjoyed this cute story about my childhood.

Unfortunately, I have no cute stories from my childhood about this “resting on my laurels” cartoon. Yes, my parents used to take us to the Colosseum to see people being eaten by wild animals, but it was anything but cute. In fact, it was gross and you could really warp a child with that kind of experience.

I do have a childhood story about this final cartoon, however. Until she was killed in a skateboarding accident, my Aunt Wynona used to argue with various celestial bodies on a regular basis. She once lost an argument with Uranus, in fact, about the origin of the name of this planet. The planet argued that its name was given to it by German astronomer, Johann Elert Bode, after the Greek god, Ouranos, but Aunt Wynona was certain it had been taken from a text message by the planet’s discoverer, Sir William Herschel, angry because his original name, Georgium Sidus, was not accepted. “U R Anus!,” Aunt Wynona contended he had texted to Bode.

As usual, she was wrong.

And since a handful of you asked me to post more of my sketchbook images and not a single person said, “No more sketchbook images!” I include the following.

Bizarro cartoons of all sorts, including these, can be found on all sorts of useful products here.