Ape Creep Athlete Finger

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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me.






My Tuesday gag this week is from the brain glob of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He may have had me in mind when writing this since he has been married only once and still is, whereas I’ve gone through wives with the frequency of Neujmin’s Comet––once every 18 years or so. Wayno doesn’t admit this in his blog post, but I’m going to assume it is true. Check out his comments and his original submission sketch here.








Wednesday’s gag is a snapshot from the untelevised Spring Olympics. Untelevised because who really wants to see people battling their lawns and gardens anyway? I must admit that this one was fun to imagine and draw.



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JAZZ PICKLE JAR: Here, from the year 1999, is a comic that reminds me of my week. Normally, nothing much goes wrong with me but this week, I’ve felt like the universe has been giving me the finger. I ran out of  crazy pills (anti-depressants) late last week but forgot to call in the refill for a day. Once I did, I forgot to pick them up for another day. Then the pharmacy was closed for two days and by the time I picked them up, I’d been four days without, which leaves me feeling really weird and dizzy (not to mention crazy). Just as that was wearing off, I was riding my motorbike and suddenly felt a tremendous, pinpoint burning sensation in my arm. I had run into a bee and it stung me. I’m a little allergic to the ass poison of flying insects so my arm swelled and turned red and hurt like hell for three days. That wore off today but now I’ve got an intense, all-at-once toothache. What’s the deal?  (I’d have said, “what next,” but I’m afraid to.)

Sorry the image on this one is small and crappy. It’s old. If you click on it, it will get a little bigger, but no less crappy.











Running For Souls

bz panel 11-22-13bz strip 11-22-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Identity Theft.

There are few things with the enduring humor of someone other than the Pope dressed like the Pope. It’s a simple equation, really: only one person is the world has the “right” to dress in this outfit and that person has claimed supremacy over all other living beings on the planet as the infallible, divine representative of GOD on earth. So to dress as the Pope not only works on the level that outdated, historical costumes work, but also in making a comment about the person’s arrogance or irreverence, or both. I know it is cliche and the shock value of it wore of ages ago, but I still get a kick out of it. Plus, miters (those phalic Pope hats) are fun to draw. On a side note, I am disappointed in myself (especially as a recovering Catholic) that I forgot to draw the streamers on the back of the hat. Here’s what they should have looked like, only blowing in the wind.




BYGONE BIZARRO: Oddly enough, just yesterday a Jazz Pickle asked me about an old cartoon of mine about the same subject. I was able to find it in my tornado-aftermath of an archive and so I can now bring it to you. BZ 09-08-05 standup heaven