Guns and Salad

bizarro 05-25-14 hedrBizarro 05-25-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Land of the Free.

 

For those Jazz Pickles who have never been to a U.S. state that allows random citizens to carry firearms (yes, Europe, we have those) you’ve never likely seen a sign on the door of a shop that says to check your gun at the door. And you’ve almost certainly never seen one of these.

“Unless need arises” gives me a chuckle.

 

BIZARROLD: I love doing cartoons on the Old West and here, from 2003, is one of my very favorites. Since I was a kid reading cartoons in magazines, I’ve always loved cartoons that make you think you’re looking at one thing when you glance at the picture, but redirect your perceptions after reading it. Click on the image to see a larger view, and the salads in our two character’s laps.bz 09-21-03Tonto Cauliflower WEB

Git Along Gals

bz panel 02-05-14bz strip 02-05-14

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A good buddy of mine and a talented stand-up comic, actor, and cartoonist, Michael Capozzola, and I collaborated on this gag. Funny thing is that over the years a number of readers have suggested a cowboy walking into a salon thinking it was a saloon but I never felt it was enough all by itself to support the gag. Michael came up with the pun independently, but his idea to have the hombre identify himself as “half blind” and “illiterate” put it over the edge for me, so I drew it. Here’s multi-talented Michael’s multi-talented web site. Have a visit.

I love doing gags about cowboys and the Old West. When I was a kid growing up in Kansas City and Oklahoma in the mid 1900s, I was fascinated by cowboys and wanted nothing more than to be one when I grew up. I gave up that dream as soon as I was old enough to realize that being a cowboy nowadays did not entail chasing bad guys on horseback, but rather working your ass off in the hot sun and driving back to your trailer at night in a pickup truck. This life was not for me, plus, I can’t stand cheap, American beer.

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: One of my favorite things to do with cowboys and the Old West is to de-macho it. Here’s a favorite of mine from a few years ago that I hope will cause you a smile.BZ 09-07-08 Covered WagonWE

Elderly Underwear Surgeon Evolution Cat Foot

 

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I had a good week in my personal life in that after over a year of living in LA, I finally screwed up the courage to go to the DMV and get my motorcycle and car driver’s licenses, and register my motorcycle in California. She now has a California plate and she couldn’t be more proud. Even more importantly, I don’t have to look over my shoulder constantly for the fuzz. Anyone want to start a bidding war over my old New York State motorcycle plate? I can sign it and draw a self portrait on it!

My first cartoon this week was this one about old age. I’m not anywhere near that age yet, but at the exponentially accelerating rate that time flies, we all will be by this time next week. Seemingly. As my dad says, “Old age ain’t for sissies.”

 

 

 

 

Most regular readers know that I’m a big fan of cartoons about the Old West. Here’s one now. It is completely fictional but perhaps it really happened and was the origin of the first gay bar in the U.S.  Stranger things have happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On to the operating theater, this winsome bit of wordplay comes from my good buddy, Cliff Harris, The King of Wordplay. He’s also a retired doctor, but it had nothing to do with a situation like this. Or so he assures me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a fun little ditty about a whale. The punch line is pretty self-explanatory, but if you still find yourself out to sea, check out the little evolving fish in the bottom corner. I heard that one or two of my animal-rights friends thought this gag was somehow insensitive to the plight of whales. This isn’t a real whale, nor is anyone with an I.Q. high enough to find their way to a beach going to assume a beached whale is trying to evolve. Lighten up, people. This is why folks tend to think of us as humorless boobs. (Most of us are not. Honestly.) Here’s another beached whale cartoon from my past that is one of my favorite gags in recent years. I call it “Californian’s Nightmare.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re not familiar with the acronym, “W.W.J.D.” it means, “What would Jesus do?” You can buy tons of products with this slogan on them, including bracelets. I suppose it was popularized to get teens to feel guilty about sex. I suppose it works from time to time but it would work a hell of a lot better if (god?) hadn’t instilled in us such a powerful and overwhelming desire to spread our genetic info.

 

 

 

 

 

Our last cartoon of the week (except for my Sunday cartoon, which will appear in the next post) is about good ole Fred Flintstone, who used to stop his car by dragging his feet. Woe was he.

Until tomorrow, stay crunchy, Jazz Pickles.