Page 1 of 212

Various Vermin

Once again, I was unable to find the time to complete my weekly blog last week so this post has TWO WEEKS of cartoons, which my abacus tells me is FOURTEEN!

(For a righteous embiggenation, click the chick in the below pic.)

I’ve been told by scientists that the above cartoon is completely possible as long as the bungee cord is made of something much stronger and more flexible than anything we’ve yet discovered and the alien is friction proof. I chose the setting intentionally because, like Bigfoot, extraterrestrials tend to appear before inebriated country folk more than anyone else.
(more…)

Canine Confessions

(Rather than just screaming EMBIGGENATE, DAMN YOU! try clicking on the image.)

There is some debate over whether dogs actually feel and understand guilt or if, over the many thousands of years they have lived alongside humans they have simply evolved to pretend to be contrite when we express anger. As much as I love dogs and want to attribute higher emotional and mental functions to them, I’ve come to believe it’s an act.
(more…)

Mucous Defense System

Bizarro 12-27-15 HdrWEB

(If you wish to embiggenate any of these images, use your clicky device.)Bizarro 12-27-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Parking Lots Have No Lines Painted On Them.

Today’s cartoon is about a world in which the natives cover their nudity with boxes. You and I may think that naked tissue is not worth covering, but they consider it vulgar and who are we to judge? We consider the sight of human nipples to be a crime, but only if they are attached to a female. Doesn’t matter if they are attached to large breasts or ones as flat as sheetrock, if they’re attached to a female: illegal to expose in public. The Tissue People find this concept utterly ridiculous but then they’ve always tended to be a bit “judgy”.
(more…)

Seuss Goth Magic Santa Alien

bz panel 07-07-14bz strip 07-07-14bz panel 07-08-14bz strip 07-08-14bz panel 07-09-14bz strip 07-09-14bz panel 07-10-14bz strip 07-10-14

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Willing Victims.

I’ve always been one to think of “ordinary” things objectively, which is why I’m fairly good at coming up with cartoons. As a kid, I often wondered why cow’s milk was fine but horse or dog or pig milk was revolting. Eventually, I became repulsed by cow’s milk, as well, and as it turns out it’s a pretty unhealthy thing for humans to consume, contrary to everything you’ve heard all your life. That kind of thinking (and research) led me to adopt a vegan diet over 12 years ago, which has greatly improved my health and happiness. That kind of thinking also led to this cartoon about eating famous Seuss characters. (more…)

Holy Hate Mail

bz panel 12-26-13bz strip 12-26-13bz panel 12-27-13bz strip 12-27-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Sanforized Swinging.

I trust you all had a lovely holiday this week, except for those of you who disobeyed my command and had a lousy one. You should’ve listened to me.

As expected, I got a couple of complaints about my religious cartoon on Xmas Day. I post them here for your analysis. (more…)

Merry Corporate Machine

bz panel 12-23-14bz strip 12-23-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Importance of Font Choice and Kerning in Package Design.

If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I was deathly ill over the weekend. Thanks for all the well-wishes and home remedies, Jazz Pickles. I am happy to report that the Grim Reaper has been sent on his way with nothing to show for his trouble and I am miraculously well again. Sometimes it is good to have your ass kicked by Mother Nature for a day or two to remind you of what is truly important in life: Mexican food, scotch, cigars, and all of the other things you cannot enjoy when you can’t go more than a few minutes without barfing like a freshman on spring break. (more…)

Surreal Santa

Bizarro 12-25-11 Hedr WEBBizarro 12-22-13 WEBbz panel 12-21-13bz strip 12-21-13(To enlarge any image, click upon it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Party Attire.

As I write this, I am in hour 30 of a Bulimia-style crash diet during which I have been ejecting all food and liquid from my body through my mouth with great discomfort. I also have the accompanying aches and pains of such a condition, making me feel as though I’ve been thrown from a speeding car. So I’ll keep this brief. (more…)

Kooky

Bizarro 12-15-13 Hdr WEB(To enlarginatify today’s kartoon, klick on the katalytic konverter of any kar in the lot.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Hostages.

Good Sunday, Jazz Pickles, and welcome to Karl’s Klown Kars. Karl is the kind of guy whose motto is “Why use another letter where a K will do?” He has krazy kavalkade sales on his klown kars each Kristmas and serves kamomile wine koolers to his kustomers. (more…)

Internet Holiday

bz panel 12-13-13bz strip 12-13-13bz panel 12-14-13bz strip 12-14-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Frozen Maxi Me.

It’s been a strange two days, Jazz Pickles. I’ve not been able to post anything on FB because I used a naughty word. If you’ve not read the story, see my previous post.

In addition to what I said yesterday regarding censorship, political correctness, and the power of Facebook, I’d like to say that Facebook has become, by its ubiquitous nature, a primary means for hundreds of millions of people to communicate for personal and business reasons. When FB shut me down, my blog readership plummeted because so many of my fans are used to finding out about it from my FB posts. This power that FB has is a new, gray area. I never thought about it before, but FB’s ability to damage the business and personal lives of their membership (estimated at over a billion) gives them a dangerous and unprecedented amount of power. I’m not sure what the answer is, but it’s a problem we should be thinking about. (more…)

Page 1 of 212