Bizarro 08-21-16 hdr WEB

(Clicking any articulated joint in any of these images will embiggenate the image.)

Bizarro 08-21-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Olympics. 

There is much fun to be had in this comic featuring a twist on the age-old comedy motif of the kid whose dog ate his homework. Aside from the deep, theological concepts within the dialogue, there are plenty of background jokes and six secret symbols to search for. Embiggenate it for a more complete experience.

bz panel 08-15-16

I have no idea why this guy just biologically looks like a clown, but since he does, I made this cartoon about it. The moral of this story is not to fight nature. It’s the reason I didn’t follow my childhood dream of becoming a flying horse.

bz panel 08-16-16

I’m no fan of golf but my dad is and I used to watch it on TV with him when I was a kid and he even took me to a PGA tournament once. Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer were two of the big stars then, and that was before that lemonade/tea drink was named after him. Because all of the other sports I watched featured rowdy, shouting fans, I was impressed by how quiet the spectators were and that even the commentators were whispering. I haven’t watched golf on TV since but I assume they still whisper.

bz panel 08-17-16

I’ve done a few “does this (blank) make my butt look big” cartoons but in this case I thought I’d push the envelope a little and imagine a large woman stuffing herself into such a small and sturdy dress that it squeezed her like a water balloon.

bz panel 08-18-16

I didn’t realize until I started writing this blog post this morning that there were two religious-themed cartoons in this week’s batch. (Three if you count the next one featuring Satan.) This one isn’t really about religion, of course, but about a delivery guy who skims instead of reads. I find this happens a lot these days with emails and texts. I will write a few sentences that clearly express the information I wish to impart, and the other person will respond in a way that shows me they glanced at a few key nouns and verbs and made up an inaccurate narrative of their own in a split second. Come on, people. Reading is a hallmark of our species. Dogs can pick up a few words in a sentence and get a rough idea of what you mean; I expect more from my human associates.

bz panel 08-19-16

This cartoon about mythological hell caused another shit storm in the comments section of my FacadeBook page, of course. While most people in the U.S. and around the world see Donald Trump as a dangerous, unqualified buffoon, a relatively small number believe he’s no worse than Hillary Clinton and want me to either stop doing political cartoons at all, or give equal time to Clinton. I don’t have time to respond individually to each person who complains about these things, so here are the two main reasons I do cartoons about Trump and not Clinton:

  • According to the overwhelming majority of experts in any field you can mention––throughout the entire world––Trump is the most dangerous person to have ever gotten this close to the White House and is more dangerous than Clinton by several orders of magnitude, so I feel it is everyone’s duty to point that out until the threat has passed.
  • Everything about Trump, from his TV evangelist hairbeast to his carnival barker behavior to his childish insults is an invitation to comedy. The guy is as hilarious as he is thin-skinned and egomaniacal. Hillary, by contrast, could not be less funny. (Which is a big part of her trouble with public perception, in fact; she isn’t a performer. That’s why you can tell when she’s lying and her speeches sound stiff. All politicians lie from time to time, most can convince you they’re not.) Plus, since I don’t watch TV news and read only reliable reporting from venerated sources, I don’t buy into the Hillary as Mafia boss/traitor/thief/murderer/sorceress/child molester/anti-christ narrative that FOX News Channel has done their best to propagate since the 90s.

If you’re typically a Republican voter, I can completely understand your anger for having been given such a terrible candidate, but your anger should be directed at the GOP, not at those of us who point out the inherent comedy in Trump.

bz panel 08-20-16

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Original black/white, hand-drawn Bizarro panels and limited-edition, color, signed and numbered prints on fine art paper from a Los Angeles art gallery.

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Two Much Fun

bz panel 12-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Shoe Technology.

I’ve been very lackadaisical (notice that this word’s spelling does not support the pronunciation LAX-adaisical) lately and I think it is the weather. It’s been cold, dark, and dreary here in SoCal this week. Of course, by local standards, that means highs in the mid 60s, lows in the low 50s (Fahrenheit) and slightly overcast. It is truly amazing how quickly one becomes spoiled by beautiful weather. I’ve been here two years and within three months, I became a complete Southern California Sissy. Anything less than 70 degrees Fahrenheit and sunny and I go into hibernation mode and deduct a little from my state taxes. I’m not paying California taxes to NOT have great weather.

On to today’s cartoon, are you familiar with these 3D printers? They are the latest form of actual magic from the  world of technology. Considering the feats of amazingness that those technology people keep coming up with, it is a wonder there isn’t a huge worldwide religion based on it. (Just as an FYI to my Jazz Pickles, this is not one, in spite of the name.)

Bz 12-27-04 BuckRogersWEBBIZARROLD: This little snobbler from 2004 seems like an appropriate choice for this post about modern technology. This one deals with one way in which “those technology people” have failed us, however. Just when I’m ready to start a religion, they let me down.

Space Cookies

bz panel 09-12-13 oreobz strip 09-12-13oreoBizarro is brought to you today by Suspicious Origins.

Here’s the latest offering from my good friend and occasional collaborator, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay. It’s a simple gag but I think it’s fun.

I’m not sure where I stand on the existence of extra-terrestrial life and its likelihood of visiting this planet. Considering the vastness of the universe, it seems likely that there is intelligent life elsewhere. Whether or not there exists any capable of visiting here is endlessly debatable. Humans have a natural habit of seeing things that aren’t there and building stories around the experience, so my rational side is inclined to dismiss UFO stories. On the other hand, I saw a video once of 8 or 10 very respectable citizens of Earth testifying at length before a Senate committee about experiences they’d had that defied any other explanation. These weren’t random rednecks (like Cliff) or creative yahoos (like me) but people who held high-ranking positions in the military and business world, so they had plenty to lose by saying things into a microphone that most people would consider wacky. Based on that one video, I’m still skeptical but open minded. It would not surprise me greatly to find out either were true.

Where do you stand? Any first-hand experiences that you Jazz Pickles would care to relate? Don’t worry about public ridicule, nobody but you and me reads this blog.

bz ALIENS 02-07-10 wbDEJA VIEW: This cartoon from 2010 touches on both today’s theme and yesterday’s discussion of religion. For those unfamiliar with the lunacy that is the Church of Scientology, which is what this cartoon refers to, the members believe that ancient extra-terrestrials live inside them, or some such nonsense. (I think they also get their own planet when they die but I might be confusing them for Mormons.) How they get seemingly intelligent people with loads of money and positions of power to join their ranks I swear I will never know. Even with my cynical view of the superstitious nature of humans, I can’t make sense of believing in a religion so expensive, far-fetched, openly ridiculous, and invented by a 20th-century science fiction writer. Color me mystified.

You can also argue, of course, that the basic tenets of any religion are just as far-fetched and ridiculous and you’d be right. But at least the traditional have these things going for them: 1) they come from a more mystical time when there were still unicorns and flying carpets 2)our ancestors believed in them for centuries 3)our parents taught them to us as “fact” when we were too young to logically question such things. Being afraid to let go of scary ideas surgically inserted into your brain when you were very young is forgivable and very common. But to agree as an adult to dedicate all your money to a far-fetched, outer-space church that was dreamed up by a guy who dreamed up far-fetched, outer-space things for a living just seems too absurd to be true. And yet, they have enough money to own just about every other building in Los Angeles and many more around the world.

Perhaps I should rethink my career options. Perhaps I should claim divine guidance and begin offering life advice (through cartoons) to anyone willing to donate all cash and assets to me. And best of all, if I get enough rubes to commit, it will all be tax free! Hmm.