Game Show

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(If ye seek embiggenation, clicketh any image.)

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Magic.

Today’s cartoon would have been more appropriate around Columbus Day, but given that the United States accidentally elected a reality show host as president and given his attitudes toward non-white people, it seems relevant now, too. I’ve long despised our tradition of honoring Christopher Columbus with a holiday; he was by all accurate accounts a terrible person who neither proved the world was round nor was the first European to discover the Americas (as I was erroneously taught in elementary school in the 1960s), and he murdered more than 100,000 indigenous people for commercial gain.
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Power of Headwear

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(To begin the enbiggenation process, click any article of footwear.)Bizarro 12-20-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Religious Bizarro Christmas Cartoon.

Since we’re in the midst of another horrifying presidential campaign cycle here in the US, I thought a look back at our history might be in order. It is tempting to think that politics have only recently become more about good advertising than good policy, but I suspect that has always been the case. Most voters don’t have the time, education, or brains to research all angles of our current geopolitical situation and pick the candidate with the best ideas for moving the country forward, so we pick the one we “feel” best about. If Abraham Lincoln had worn the items depicted above instead of a normal beard and a stovepipe hat, he would almost certainly have lost the election and, who knows, human slavery might still be legal in the U.S.  I can think of at least one current candidate for president who might not object to that, and he has something on his head almost as ridiculous as a drainage pipe. Let’s hope that (and his unabashed bigotry) keep him out of the White House.
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Turkey Giant Litter Box

bz panel 11-27-14bz strip 11-27-14bz panel 11-28-14bz strip 11-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Get Ready For Christmas.

Here are some Thanksgiving leftovers for your amusement. When I first submitted the cartoon at left, which ran on Thanksgiving Day, my editors were worried that it was too brutal and asked if I really wanted to publish it. I did and here it is. Thus far, I have gotten one piece of angry mail from a reader who said, “you have crossed the line. Why would you have a naked black woman posed as a human Turkey? It wasn’t funny and during these times of rioting and strained race relations the last thing we need is some hack artist making disgusting drawings that demean a national holiday AND a naked black woman lying on a dinner table!” Given what this reader thought they saw, I can’t blame them at all for being incensed. The person on the table is not black, nor a woman, but is Cynthia’s husband, who presumably objected to a turkey-free Thanksgiving dinner. As a long-time animal rights advocate, I have met other activists who lose their ability to separate their hatred of cruelty from their hatred of the species that inflicts it. Cynthia is one such person who ends up losing her shit and offing her husband. Even the turkeys know this is the wrong approach. Most vegans I know do, too.
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Evil Turkey Stuffing Aliens

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An email buddy of mine, Michael Lagace, sent me the idea of an “evil Knievel” twin and this is how I used it. I had a good time drawing Evel, as he was one of my childhood heroes. The kids in my neighborhood and I used to build ramps out of plywood and stacks of old tires or whatever we could get hold of to prop it up, then jump our bicycles over it at great speed. Yes, it was dangerous, and bones were broken. For all I know, Knievel may be the person for whom the ubiquitous statement, “Don’t try this at home!” was invented.
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Gobble Gone By

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(Want bigger pirates? Click on the the shirtless pirate’s nipple ring.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Spiritual Advice for the Ages.

Happy Sunday After Thanksgiving, Jazz Pickles! Did you eat a lot of food on Thursday? Did you watch football? Did you take a nap? Did you drink lots of mead and get light headed? Did you wake up behind a dumpster in Baltimore with cranberry sauce stains on your tuxedo? (more…)

Thought Food

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(For a largerized view, click the 46th turkey from the left.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Discriminatory Food.

I’m fairly well known for being a vegan buzzkill on Thanksgiving but I can’t help it. I’ve long thought the arrogance of we humans believing that everything is here for us to use as haphazardly as our whims dictate, is embarrassing to our species. Biologically, humans don’t “need” to eat meat (unless we are starving in a place without plants, like the Arctic) we eat it because it tastes good. On top of that, our bodies aren’t constructed to process meat very well, which is why it gives us heart attacks, strokes, obesity, etc. You don’t see “true” meat eaters in the wild with these problems. So when you weigh tastes good against the suffering and misery of creatures that are more like us than not, it seems to me a glaring inequity. (more…)

Traitor Crowded Dragster

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cannibals.

This cartoon is an offshoot of a feeling I’ve had since I was a child, some 30 years before I became vegan. Why would an animal want to advertise its own murder and consumption? Long before I thought it was wrong to eat animals, when I was still under 10 years old, I wondered why a happy pig would be on a sign for a BBQ restaurant. It just seemed wrong somehow. So here is a cartoon that took 40 years gestate. (more…)

Shag Dark Ghost Corpse

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pilgrims and Indians.

Well, if all goes as planned, today is Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.  The holiday supported by a coloring book story about pilgrims and native Americans getting together peacefully (for the last time?) to have dinner and give thanks or something. We celebrate this by, and as an ethical vegan I cannot resist saying this, slaughtering millions of innocent beings who’ve lived their short lives in uncomfortable captivity so we can gorge ourselves like gluttons. In December, the massacre starts all over again in the name of “peace on Earth.” Whatever. (more…)

Clown Cat Homework Murder

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cross-Country Move.

I’ve not been blogging the past few days because I was moving to LA. I’m here now, without my stuff, it’s all on a van somewhere between the East and West Coast. Unless the guys who picked it up were frauds and are flying to Rio with my clothes and furniture. If that is the case, I hope they’ll be happy together. (more…)