Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weight Problems.

It’s been a busy week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much so that I barely got a chance to post on this blog today. In fact, I’m pressed for time right now, so let’s get to it.

1. Cinn-a-bon is a small restaurant chain I see a lot in shopping malls and airport food courts. A while back my manager, Jeff Topper, and I were kibitzing on the phone and came up with this idea together. I particularly like the devil asking if he can “hurt” the customer instead of help. A reader mentioned that the customer should have said the buns were “tempting.” Also a good caption but I like mine better.

2. According to TV and film, lawyers are always making “motions” in court. This kind of motion would make court funnier. I’ve not spent much time in court but I’m willing to bet there isn’t a lot of funny going on there.






3. Ever heard of a woodchuck? If you haven’t then this joke probably was not your favorite cartoon ever. According to what I looked up on the Interwebs, a woodchuck is an animal of some kind that looks sort of like these guys. I have no idea what a “wouldn’tchuck” would actually look like, but I’m surmising it would be very similar. I collaborated with my young hillbilly friend, Victor Rivera, on this one. He wants to be an actor so if he’s ever a big movie star, remember that he used to do cartoons with me. He’ll likely deny it.

4. Here’s a really creepy gag about an information booth.


That’s wraps it up for today, Jazz Pickles. If you live in or around Washington, D.C., please do not forget to go to my comedy show on March 11, nor to remind your friends in that area to go. I guarantee that the people who attend will laugh and feel better when they leave than they did when they arrived. Unless they are stabbed or poisoned while they are there, or drink so much that they get sick or have a heart attack during the show or one of those giant, frozen chunks of sewage from an airliner falls through the roof and injures them. I’ve done these shows before, though, and none of those things usually happen, so my original statement will likely be true for everyone.

You want some cartoons on stuff?

You want some cartoons in a book?

You want candy?

Mobius Briefly

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sexy Weatherman.

I got lots of mail on this cartoon about the mobius strip steak. Most people wrote to say they liked it, but a few wrote to tell me that I got the shape of the strip wrong; that it wasn’t a mobius strip. If you don’t know what one is, check this out.

If you are familiar with a mobius strip, you’ll know that it is a shape that only has one side. Sounds impossible, but it’s true, in a mathematical sense. If an ant crawls along one of the flat surfaces it will traverse all sides without ever changing sides, as shown famously by M.C. Escher. You can make one by cutting a long strip of paper, turning one end of it halfway around and taping it to the other end. It makes a twisted loop that actually only has one side. If you then start to draw a dotted line down the middle, both sides of the paper would eventually have dots without your ever having to turn it over, so to speak. It sounds complicated but it is much easier than making an origami toilet.

The confusion on this drawing is the question of what happens when the strip crosses behind itself. If you see it as twisting again, it is not a mobius strip. My intention was that it does not twist in the blind spot so it is a mobius strip. In the diagram below I show what happens in the obscured areas.

I probably could have drawn it better by adding less fat in the area where the red arrow is on this diagram, as show below on this ever-so-slightly revised version.

Oh well, these things happen. This cartoon was one of my colleague, Wayno’s ideas, by the way. Here’s his story about it.

Our next cartoon was the idea of a friend of mine in Los Angeles by the name of Jeff Topper. We tossed around this idea of the meaning of “debriefing” for a while before coming up with this version. I’ve never been in the service but I’m guessing this kind of thing happens all the time. I, for one, feel sorry for our men and women in the armed forces for having to endure this kind of invasion of privacy.

These and many many more Bizarro cartoons can be found on products of unlimited description here.

Limber Dental Ghost

Bizarro is brought to you by Store of Sin.

Would a shot of Novocaine to your nose disable your sense of smell? I’m not a biologist but I’m guessing it would. One thing I am absolutely sure of is that it would feel AWFUL. The way your lips feel when they are numb – all puffy and swollen, even though they are not – would be a horrendous feeling in the proboscis area. I can’t speak for you, but the last thing I need is to feel that my nose is even bigger. Although it would be a great time to tell someone off. A punch in the nose would barely faze you.

My entertainment manager told me that he’d seen a TV show about women who were dating ghosts. (Or so they believed.) This shouldn’t surprise us, there are women who will date men on death row, men who beat them, Charlie Sheen; apparently, women will date anything. So my manager, whose name happens to be Jeff Topper, quipped that perhaps these ghost daters met on GhostHarmony.com. A cartoon was born.

You film buffs will remember the 1937 film called “Topper,” about a fun-loving couple who die in a car wreck, become ghosts, and intercede in the life of their stuffy banker friend. His name was Topper, too. (Just a coincidence, conspiracy nuts.)

I like cartoons that look like one thing but whose caption reveals a different meaning. This is sort of that kind of joke. But typically a joke of this sort is on the reader only. Here, the joke is on the woman, too, as she doubtless believes a proposal of marriage is forthcoming. In the short term, she probably would rather be engaged but in twenty years time, my guess is she’d rather be limber than married.

Two art notes: I’m not sure why I drew her hair to look like she just climbed out of the river, and I just noticed I made a grievous error by not including the other side of the man’s jacket as it would hang down beneath his bended leg. I hate it when I make that kind of mistake. I hope you will forgive me.

T-shirts, mugs, hats, underwear, etc. with these cartoons on them can be found here: DENTISTGHOSTSTRETCH