Uber Legume

Bizarro 07-10-16 HdrWEB

(For some real good embiggenation, click any image with your clicker deal.)

Bizarro 07-10-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Words of Wisdom From Yesteryear.

Hey, Jazz Pickles. Sorry for the delayed post, I’m out of town and things are wonky.

The cartoon above is a pun on the Uber phenomenon, which has revolutionized the taxi industry; cheaper and more efficient for the consumer, not a good thing for the traditional taxi folks. But that’s beside the point. The point here is a frivolous pun about Uber and goober. (Goober is slang for “peanut”.) The car is a Mercury Comet from the 70s. I like drawing vintage vehicles, especially oddball, goofy ones like this. The truck being used in this cartoon by Bunny’s Pie Repair is some kind of mid-century, British utility van that I found a picture of on the Interwebs. I don’t remember the name of it. Be sure to click on the image and embiggenate it to find the various background jokes and the secret symbols, which today number 7.

bz panel 07-04-16

Here’s a goofy pun about doctors. One helpful reader informed me that eye doctors don’t use those mirror things on his head or otoscopes (that thing in his hand). Those are actually only used by ear, nose, and throat docs. Oh well. Good thing it’s a cartoon and not an illustration in a medical school text book.

bz panel 07-05-16

I’m not against small cars, in fact, I’m totally for them and hate to see people using gigantic cars that they don’t really need most of the time. But it occurs to me that Smart Cars are perfect for clowns.

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Some readers thought this cartoon about good and bad cops was intentionally written and published in response to the various police-related tragedies of this past week. As I’ve said many times, my cartoons are submitted and dated for publication four weeks in advance, so, no, I did not intend the coincidence, but these days you’d be hard pressed to publish a cartoon like this at a time when it did not coincide with one of these events. I was accused by one reader of criticizing cops unfairly but I don’t see how that’s true here. I’m clearly not saying all cops are bad, only that some are and some are not and you can’t tell the difference until it’s too late.

Cops are human beings, and so they’re going to appear on every point of the spectrum between good and evil, just like the rest of us. Assuming all cops are good is as dangerous and inaccurate as assuming all cops are bad. I’ve had almost no bad experiences with cops, but I have to consider the fact that I’m a middle-class white person. If my skin were darker, my experience would likely be different. A recent poll showed that more than half of white Americans (fifty-something percent, can’t remember the exact number) believe that cops treat all people the same. This, in my opinion, seems blatantly untrue, and I suspect that percentage will be dropping after all the publicity these kinds of events are getting. Racism is not dead in America––far from it.

Here’s my one bad experience with cops: Back in the early 90s, I attended an exhibition soccer game in Texas with my best friend at the time. He was a Mexican national (with legal residency status in the U.S.) and the game was between Mexico and Scotland, so folks supporting each team sat on different sides of the field. He was there to support the team from Mexico, so we sat on the Mexican side of the stadium. (The fact that virtually all white people sat on the “Scottish side” was notable, I think, but that’s another matter.) The cops on the Mexican side of the stadium outnumbered the cops on the much larger, white side of the stadium by three to one. Though there was nothing violent or outrageous about anything the folks on my side of the field were doing, each time the Mexican fans cheered, the cops guarding the our side were aggressive, unreasonable, and insulting, banging their nightsticks on the metal railings and insisting the crowd quiet down.  I was not used to being treated this way by the police so I calmly objected to being told not to cheer at a sporting event. The cop I spoke to pushed me down into my seat, leaned into my face, and threatened to arrest me. I sat down, shut up, and nothing came of it, but I hated it and it gnawed at me for days. It was the one time I experienced for myself what minorities in the U.S. have reported for decades. Actually, for the entire history of our country. I don’t know how to solve the problem, but it’s certainly something that needs to be addressed in a big way.

bz panel 07-07-16

Another cartoon about cops for some reason, but this one is not political in any way. Perhaps accordion and bagpipe players will disagree. By the way, I enjoy both of these instruments, I only used them in this cartoon because so many people find them objectionable.

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I like this gag about the naked guy running with a spear. I enjoy reading books about anthropology, so this kind of gag is common for me. I’m currently reading The Social Conquest of Earth by E. O. Wilson. Good stuff.

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This cartoon is built on a pun suggested to me by a longtime Bizarro reader by the name of Imad Libbus. He sends me pretty funny ideas from time to time and I suspect this isn’t the first one I’ve used, though my memory for this kind of thing is terrible so I can’t say for sure.  Being a HUGE fan of Theodore Geisel, I love this gag.

That’s it for this week, Jazz Pickles. Check me out on instagram (danpiraro) if you’re not already. Sometimes I post stuff there that I don’t put anywhere else. Also give a glance to my Tip Jar in the margins of this blog. Any donation or monthly contribution is much appreciated, no matter how small. Helps keep ink in the pen and food in my stomach. 

Yuck It Up!

Bizarro 05-03-15 hdrWEb(For a bigger-looking cartoon, click it!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Millennial Confusion.

If you’ve ever been to the taping of a TV show, you know that those with live audiences are driven like slaves building the pyramids to laugh and applaud and hoot and holler and gasp Bizarro 05-03-15 WEBand whistle as though they’re having the times of their lives. The less funny the show is, the harder the audience wrangler has to work. It’s just one more aspect of TV that isn’t what it seems, like the scripting and multiple takes on “reality” TV shows. While I think this is notable and funny, I don’t actually think it is wrong. TV shows of this sort are theater, and by definition, aren’t meant to be real.

To be upset that the laughs on a sitcom are added electronically or the arguments on Real Housewives of New Jersey are scripted is like being upset that Scarlet Johansson isn’t really a martial artist. What is upsetting, however, is when shows portraying themselves as journalism are finagled for the sake of ratings. That happens a lot, too.

Going back in time (not really, cartoons are a kind of drama, too) let’s review last week’s gags…

bz panel 04-27-15Monday: Town criers used to play the same role as a newspaper so this one is adding a crossword puzzle to his format. I resisted having him describe a Garfield cartoon.






Tuesday: You bz panel 04-28-15may not get this gag if you’ve never heard the expression, “I’ll dance on your grave,” which is used in an effort to express to someone how much you dislike them. I’ve never actually said this but I’ve thought it bz panel 04-29-15a few times.




Wednesday: I’ve often looked at thrones in museums and wondered how anyone could comfortably sit in one of those things for five minutes, much less for as long as it takes to declare war on a neighboring kingdom or hear a peasant’s request for justice. Today’s thrones are much more user friendly.


bz panel 04-30-15Thursday: This is one of those rare cartoons that was inspired by my own personal experience –– I got an email from a Nigerian prince once and was almost eaten by a cat.






bz panel 05-01-15Friday: This hasn’t ever happened to me but it is weird when you get to an age where many doctors and all cops are younger than you.







bz panel 05-02-15Saturday: I think a treadmill for a tightrope walker is amusing. I wonder if there’s a stationary machine of some kind for trapeze artists to use.

Here’s another treadmill gag of mine from a while back that I also like.

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Bizarro 06-08-14 HedrWEBBizarro 06-08-14 WEB(I beseech thee to view larger versions of these cartoons by clicking them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Anyone Know Who Did This Brilliant Cartoon?

As simple as this cartoon is, it was a pain in the cartoon ass to draw. One would think you could draw that damned treadmill once and then clone it but no, each is at a completely different angle and perspective so they all have to be drawn separately. Making them look identical was a chore. Notice I didn’t try to draw a gym full of workout machines behind them. Ugh!




PAZZJICKLES: I’ve done a lot of Superman gags over the years but this one seems particularly relevant in light of this past week’s Cosmos TV show, which was all about climate change. I’ve said it before and will again and again, Cosmos is the most important TV program of our time. Not only is it incredibly educational, but it’s entertaining to watch. If you like the magical intricacies of our universe explained in layman’s terms, which I do. Bizarro 11-25-07 SupermanClimateWEBIt’s a MUST for school kids, too.

I highly recommend watching the episode on climate change as it explains in simple language that yes, it is happening and yes, we are causing it. The climate-change deniers (including, ironically enough, Fox News, which is owned by the same company that airs this show) are either out for more money polluting the planet, or they just hate the topic because liberals picked it up first. Either way we’re doomed, but the episode has an uplifting message and isn’t a complete downer. Watch this episode and every other one, people. Your brain will thank you for feeding it something other than cartoons.