My Valentine (comic)

bz panel 02-14-14bz strip 02-14-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Annual February Punch.

Happy Singles Awareness Day, Jazz Pickles!

I’m the sort of guy who feels sorry for hypothetical strangers, so Valentine’s Day always makes me a little sad for people who find the holiday making them sad. My advice to those of you who may be experiencing unwanted loneliness today not to let holidays invented by a greeting card company disturb your peace.

This cartoon is one of those rare instances where a personal experience led to a gag. My girlfriend, Olive Oyl, and I had a fight not long ago because, once again, I don’t know when to keep my mouth shut. I have a tendency to “over share” and often don’t stop to think how my words might affect the person I’m talking to. We made up quickly and I vowed to extend the delay between the time I think something and say it from 0 seconds to 3 seconds. I highly recommend this simple, yet effective method.

This cartoon posed a problem when I converted it to the strip version. These things run very small in many newspapers, so I had to divide it in two to make sure readers could see that he was coming through the front door and be able to read the balloon messages.

bz 02-12-08 valentineBYGONE BIZARRO: Today’s archive offering is from 2008 and, I believe, captures the true meaning of Valentine’s Day.

Nutty Egyptian Greeks

Make this cartoon oh-so-bigger by clicking on the suitor’s teeth.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Valentine’s Day Gifts.

Because my cartoons are drawn and submitted many weeks before they appear in the paper, I often miss doing holiday cartoons. (But not always.) But this year, I actually have THREE Valentine’s Day-related cartoons running in the next three days. Perhaps it is because I am going through a divorce and V Day takes on a different tone. Maybe even a pallor. My cartoon for Valentine’s Day itself is pretty dark, albeit it completely true. But you’ll have to wait until Tuesday to see it.

My Egyptian patient cartoon is about dimensions. I did a cartoon way back in the late eighties about an Egyptian couple who kept falling down because they were flat, 2-dimensional people, like you see in hieroglyphs. If my filing system weren’t non-existent, I’d be able to show you that one now. But it is and I can’t, so let’s all just take this example of the crappy side of life in stride and move on.


This last cartoon from my “known associate,” Wayno,  is about a song by The Archies, a band nobody under 50 has heard of anymore. If memory serves, they were a one-hit wonder, put together by a marketing team who wanted to use the Archie comic book characters as a sales device. At the time, I think they had a Saturday morning cartoon show. Here’s the Wikipedia write up about them if you have nothing better to do than find out more about this forgettable moment in history. The following link is to a brilliantly-animated video of the song, BUT BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO IT let me warn you that if you are the least bit OCD about music (as am I,) this song will EAT YOUR BRAIN like a zombie until you replace it with another song. Hear the brain-eating song here at your own risk. At the time this song was popular, “bubblegum music” was a term used for this kind of saccharin, teen-age pop music. This gag is about that, and about the habit of the ancient Greeks to confuse “U”s with “V”s. What was that about?*


*Yes, I know what that was about and that the sign I linked to is Latin/Roman, not Greek.

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