Lacto Piggy Rope Horn

(For a larger, more beautiful view of this cartoon, click the left eye of the man wearing the milk ski mask.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creative Parenting.

Not long ago my tiny friend, Victor the Boy Genius, suggested some alternate milk fashions akin to the famous milk mustache ads everyone in America has seen in the recent years. I added to them and created this hilariously, humorously, hysterically funny comic. Oh my goodness, the laughs just keep coming. To add to his already terrifyingly overblown ego, I used a picture of him as the model for the cartoon boy in this cartoon. Good lard, I would not want to be around Victor the Boy Genius today. His head would be the size of Omaha. (For my foreign readers, that’s a stunningly beautiful city and a MAJOR tourist attraction in the middle of the United States somewhere.) (more…)

Submarine Water Dog

(If you find yourself wondering what this cartoon would look like bigger, click the taxi’s license plate.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Short Career in Crime Fighting.

I’m posting this cartoon a few hours before it is officially published so I can’t say for sure, but I anticipate some questions on it. This seems to me to be one of those cartoons that some people will want to find a “deeper” meaning for. But there is none. If you turn a bus sign upside down, it says “sub” (sort of.) So it’s just one of those odd visual things that amuses me. For those of you keeping track of utterly trivial information in some sort of a stalker’s scrapbook, the street scene was drawn without reference from my memory of my old neighborhood in Brooklyn. (more…)

Cavalcade of Comedy Carnage

(To see a much big version of these cartoons, click them why don’t you?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Have I Been?

Good gravy, Jazz Pickles, it has been a long time since I posted on my blog. I’ve been running around the Non-East Coast on a small comedy tour and that stuff is time-consuming, brain-eating, and deadline-threatening. But I’m almost caught up on life so I’m back to posting. Here now are a jilliondyfive cartoons to get you caught up on everything that has published since I last posted. Whew! (more…)

Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weight Problems.

It’s been a busy week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much so that I barely got a chance to post on this blog today. In fact, I’m pressed for time right now, so let’s get to it.

1. Cinn-a-bon is a small restaurant chain I see a lot in shopping malls and airport food courts. A while back my manager, Jeff Topper, and I were kibitzing on the phone and came up with this idea together. I particularly like the devil asking if he can “hurt” the customer instead of help. A reader mentioned that the customer should have said the buns were “tempting.” Also a good caption but I like mine better. (more…)

Planet-Trembling News! Oh My!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, boys and girls! Here’s the big news you’ve all been waiting for! My new book, Bizarro Heroes, is finally out and available for purchase! That means you can hold a copy in your own hands and point your own eyes at it for hours of pure intellectual amusement. (If you’re a very slow reader. Average readers will get through it in less than an hour. Speed readers in 37.9 seconds.) (more…)

Anthropomorphic Adopted Son

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Ghost.

As I mentioned earlier this week, I was raptured last Saturday night and now reside in Heaven, but they have Internet so I can still produce cartoons and upload them to King Features for syndication. Heaven isn’t what they led me to believe it would be in the Sunday School coloring books of my childhood. In Heaven, everyone gets to rule their own city and everything is always on sale. Here’s mine. (more…)

Picture Parade

Bizarro is brought to you today by Docents.

Plenty of cartoons again today in a desperate effort to catch you up to date. This first one is from my amazingly sexy and talented colleague, Wayno! He knows how much I despise b*llshit (did I put the * in the right place?) conceptual art so I like to imagine he wrote this gag just for me. To read his story about the process, click the funny elf. Funny Elf. (more…)