Sexy Bulges
I often use pieces of old cartoons to construct a title panel. The one above came from this cartoon.
When I was an adolescent boy (some readers may think those last two words in combination are redundant but in this era, not all men started out as boys) we used to laugh at how proud of their genitals male chimps in zoos seemed to be. The Internet age, however, has now shown us yet another way in which humans are only barely removed from chimps. The prevalence of so-called “dick pics” leads one to believe that the only reason more human males aren’t waving their schlobbenflangers in public is that it is illegal in most communities. And that still doesn’t stop some of them.
As an amateur with a keen interest in anthropology and evolutionary biology, I immediately associate this behavior with peacocks showing off their tails or pigeons puffing up their throats. Within those species, the visual presentation works well in attracting females. But with humans, females are notoriously much less driven by visual stimulation and more attracted to emotional or intellectual aspects of a potential mate. (A gross generalization but one that I think holds generally true for a majority of women.) According to that theory, a nice gesture of kindness or a bit of poetry you’ve written will get a man further with a woman than a photo of his tool.
Many anthropologists hold, therefore, that the historic human male obsession with penis size is more about competition between males, and not about attracting females at all. So perhaps men should be sending pics of their bulging “throats” to each other instead of women. (Yes, I’m sure gay men do this as much or more than heteros, but that makes much more sense since men are naturally more stimulated visually.)
Which, of course, brings us to monster trucks and the like. People commonly identify these vehicles as substitutes for large penises. But again, is this to attract women or intimidate other men? Are there very many women who are attracted to a guy with a gigantic, noisy truck or SUV? Are there many women who are attracted to guys who text to them photos of their struedelwangers? I’m sure there are some but are there many?
I’ve never been a woman, so I don’t know the answers to these questions; my job as a cartoonist is simply to ask and wonder.
Time now to find out what questions about the human species’ fascination with genitalia Wayno was asking last week in his weekday Bizarro cartoons…
Here’s a scene from the good ole days when a clown could go to a pie bar without risk of contracting the plague.
Hey, if you’re bored with Netflix and are looking for something more creative to pass the time, Wayno has a fun “Cartoon With Me” thing on his blog site. He says its an “activity for kids” but I’m not going to let that stop me! Check it out here, but don’t forget to come back!
A couple of times recently, Wayno has drawn Bigfoot into cartoons in which he does not show his feet. Accordingly, a certain percentage of readers mistake him for a gorilla, which makes the gags harder to understand and leads to us explaining the joke. I’m calling that percentage of the public Bigfoot Deniers.
Also, I can’t show it to you yet, but I’ve got a Sunday cartoon about Bigfoot coming up on May 3rd. Here’s a super sneak preview. Please do not forward!!
If you’re looking for a police force that is almost always asleep and very easily distracted while awake, you can scarcely do better than cats. And the video cams they’re required to wear have produced some of the most popular videos on the web!
Pulling a fork out of a stone is second in difficulty only to trying to opening the soap dispenser in the restaurant bathroom to refill it.
“…And you’re going to want to keep him away from the pets when it’s getting close to mealtime.”
Wayno has an interesting name for this kind of gag that takes typical numbers and increases or decreases them to arrive at a joke. Go have a look at his post for this week’s batch and see if you recognize the pop-culture reference from which the name came.
That concludes our comedy strip search, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for allowing us to snap some shots of your clopsenquaddles. If you’re enjoying passing some of your self-quarantine time with our cartoons and appreciate that we do it for free, without a paywall, please cast a gaze at some of our links below. We’d be mighty appreciative.
Until next time, be smart, be nice, be happy, and resist ignorance and Trumpism.
DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them from me personally!
…Daily Bizarro IN YOUR EMAIL + archive access
…Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original Bizarro panels