Third Base
If you don’t understand the above cartoon, I urge you to go online and watch a video of Abbott & Costello performing “Who’s on First?”. I haven’t conducted a poll, but I’d bet most living comedians familiar with it would agree it is one of the best pieces of comedy ever written or performed in the English language. (Which suddenly made me think that language and cultural context have so much to do with comedy that you could never compare the best American comedy in English with the best Chinese comedy in Mandarin, or whatever. Finally, something we can’t make a competition out of!)
My Canadian friend, Martin, suggested the pun “Abbott & Costco” and I immediately loved it but it took me weeks to figure out a scenario in which I could use it. The one above is strange and awkward, but then so are some of my very favorite people. (Which made me realize you probably could compare American comedy in English with Canadian comedy in English but why does everything have to be a competition?!)
Just for kicks, note the “full-body sanitizer” on the wall above the hand sanitizer. I have a sick feeling that’s where we’re heading. (pun intended) I drew this cartoon just as the Thing That Broke the World was getting started and before masks were as common as they are now, which is why only one character is wearing one. (Do NOT take this to mean that I support reopening the country so that a tiny percentage of childish adults pretending to understand the meaning of patriotism can stop being inconvenienced.)
There’s also a giant box of ammo in the shopping cart leaving the building. I’ll be honest, I originally drew this lobby scene for a completely different gag about Walmart, but I never published it. Since I’d already drawn a scene like this one, I just changed it to Costco and added the two guys at left. That this was originally conceived of as a Walmart explains both the ammo and the general look of some of the characters. (Yes, I know I’m being unkind. Humorists often can’t resist. I assume that’s true in all cultures but what do I know? Like most Americans, I was raised mono-cultural and mono-lingual. I’m proud to say, however, that after three years of hard, relentless study, I now also speak Spanish-like-an-ignoramus.)
Now that we’ve completed the parenthesis-at-the-end-of-every-paragraph motif, let’s review Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from last week and see if he was able to resist unkindness in the name of humor.
If things get bad enough, you can always sell yourself on e-Bay. My comment is perhaps a little unkind to disco-era technology but the cartoon is not.
The biggest theological question in cat religions is why “god” spelled backwards is “dog.” Of course, this is only true with English speaking cats. I’ve no idea what kinds of questions cats of other cultures and languages ask.
Continuing on the spider theme, you do not want to know where he got the “yarn.”
If you’ve not seen Wayno’s weekly cartoon blog posts, today would be a great time to start. He’s included several extra features this week including some stuff he did for New Yorker, more about last week’s nutcase who lost the contents of his colon over the use of the word “poop” in one of our cartoons, and a shout-out to Wayno by a dude who was a member of Firesign Theater back in the day! Go point your see-balls at it and them come back for the rest of this one why doncha?
She’s only getting a head. Note that in the spirit of kindness toward people who object to smutty humor, I have resisted the other obvious puns I could have made here.
I still can’t believe they let us get away with a cartoon about amputating and burning a child’s nose. But even though it’s a little gruesome, you can’t really call it unkind. (Suddenly, I’m wondering if there’s a gag in Pinocchio being a Jewish kid and the mohel not bringing the right kind of saw? Probably not.)
For reals, there was a guy on Donahue in the 80s, I think, who painted hair on his totally bald head with black shoe polish. Anyone remember that? I kind of wish I didn’t.
That concludes this week’s cartoon catastrophe training session. You’ll all be getting full credit for attending and I hope you’re not too sore tomorrow. If you like what we do and that we do it for free, without ads or a paywall, please consider supporting us via one of the links below.
PLUS: Our stores are still donating 50% of profits to a charity that supports local small restaurants and frontline healthcare workers during the pandemic. This is a good time to grab some Bizarro swag while being of use to folks who need it.
Until next time, be smart, be happy, be nice, and resist the Dunning-Kruger Party.
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