Sectional Tension
The above title panel was constructed with art from a cartoon about a couch potato farmer. I can’t remember the text now. Sorry.
Forget about furniture for a minute, let’s talk about sexual orientation. This is a topic near to my heart because I have one. A sexual orientation. And if there’s one thing I’m completely sure of about, it’s that I have had no control over which way it pointed. I sexually “liked” what I liked and was repelled by things I didn’t like before I even knew that sex existed. I’m talking about when I was a kid in the 1960s and you had to be told about sex by somebody—you wouldn’t absorb it from pop culture or TV.
Still very young but already an artist, I used to draw pictures of naked versions of the kind of person I was attracted to. The strangest thing about this to me is that I had no idea why I enjoyed this! This was a few years before I knew what sex was. And I can only assume that if I did not choose what kind of humans would attract my sexual interest, neither do most others. As I said, it’s an assumption so maybe I’m wrong about that.
At my current age, I understand that sexual orientation is a very slippery, sliding scale. Specific preferences fly all over the place, but in general, the question of whether you’re attracted to your own sex, the opposite sex, or both, presents a kind of scale with single preferences on either end and a 50/50 position in the middle. (If you’re not attracted to either sex, you’re not represented on this scale. Sorry, maybe next time.)
Anyway, this line of thinking leads me to wonder who are these religious people who condemn as sinners anyone who is not cis-gender? They must think that homosexuality is a choice, right? A sin has to be a choice—you can’t sin accidentally, can you? You can’t unknowingly drop your business card in a lobby and then an old lady with a walker comes by two hours later, slips on it, and dies—you aren’t guilty of the sin of murder, are you? Of course not. So for any sexual orientation to be a sin, first and foremost, it has to be a choice.
Now, the religious type will say that it isn’t the desire, it’s the act of going through with it that is the sin. Yeah, I get why you make that distinction, but let’s go back a step and ask why you think it’s bad in the first place. It’s because The Old Testament says something about it. You probably wouldn’t have come upon this on your own if it didn’t, unless you’re the type of person who just condemns anyone who is into something you aren’t. I mean, it’s not like LBTGQ+ are victimizing you in some way, letting air out of your tires, toilet papering your lawn, grabbing your ass at the grocery store. Whatever they’re up to, they’re doing it in the privacy of their personal lives, not yours, so this is a victimless activity. Can there be a crime without a victim?
But back to the Old Testament, if you’re really going to make the whole world toe the line with every little thing that one book says, good luck. You’ll also have to stop people from wearing mixed fabrics, eating pork, shellfish, or rabbit, and selling their daughters into slavery for the wrong reasons. All that’s in there, too.
So who are these people who think that sexual proclivities are an evil choice? I suspect most are people who have chosen to live in opposition to their true nature. Surely, these are non-heteros living as heteros. It not only explains how they think others have chosen to be gay—because in their mind they chose not to be—it also explains why they’re so unreasonably angry about people who are living their truth openly; If I have to live a miserable lie, you should have to, too, mofo!
It’s a somber way to start off a comedy blog post but nothing you Jazz Pickles aren’t used to. Let’s see if Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from the week can cheer us up!
Don’t be surprised if this is a premonition of future virus protection protocols for airline travel.
I’m reminded of one of my favorite adages: If cops were clowns, crime would be funnier.
In junior high school, I used masking tape to create a reverse tan. I can’t remember what it said or if it worked. Probably not.
A little brow humor, anyone?
Anyone got a good “crap-in-the-box” joke?
In Wayno’s blog post this week he explains that gnu on the bottom row with big eyes. He also features one of the funniest dumb comments I’ve ever seen for one of our cartoons. Don’t miss it.
That bell you didn’t hear just now was the close of this week’s comedy trading session. Thanks for sticking around to help sweep up the ticker tape. If you like investing time with us (groan) and that we keep this site free of ads and bullshit, please consider helping us keep it that way by visiting the links below. Both Wayno and I really appreciate you guys.
Until next week, careful with those mixed fabrics.
BIZARRO SHOP Fun and cheap!
… Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
…Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original Bizarro panels