World of Words
It’s that time of year again when we celebrate having made another successful trip around the Sun. Congratulations to all of us! We deserve it.
Many people are inclined to complain that last year sucked (through a mask) and that this year had better be an improvement. But I say look at the bright side: Of the nearly 8 billion people on the planet—some of them dumb enough to think the entire pandemic was orchestrated by a supervillain to allow him to inject tiny robots into our bloodstream— not a single one of them stopped the Earth from rotating and I, for one, am deeply appreciative. If the world had stopped, even for a moment, everything not firmly attached to it would fly eastward like an unattended martini sitting on the dashboard of your car as you make a quick left turn. (Don’t ask me how I know that.) Even things as large as grand pianos and very big rocks would be flung across the landscape like an olive from a dashboard martini. (I have dibs on that band name, BTW: Dashboard Martinis)
I didn’t see a single flying piano last year, so let’s be thankful for the enormous success that 2021 represents. And, as we say down here in Mexico, “Feliz año nuevo!”
That’s “happy new year,” but most Mexicans on the street will shorten it to, “Feliz año”. What’s fun about this seemingly boring fact is that not all of my American friends know where the “ñ” is on a cell phone keyboard and so they might just use a regular “n” instead, assuming it doesn’t matter. So it was no surprise when I got a text on New Year’s Eve that said “FELIZ ANO”.
And here’s the promised fun part—while FELIZ AÑO means “happy year,” and is commonly said and texted at this time of year, FELIZ ANO means “happy anus,” and is said and texted by not nearly as many people, and usually for entirely different reasons.
If ever there was a perfect example for the importance of correct spelling.
Of course, if you still want to wish people feliz ano, go right ahead. Who wouldn’t want a happy anus?
This brings to mind another fun Spanish lesson but this one is about cultural context, not spelling.
In most online English-to-Spanish translation apps, if you ask what a “jacket” is called, it will tell you “chaqueta”. And so, if you were looking to strike up a conversation with your taxi driver in order to practice your Spanish, and he was wearing an unusually stylish jacket, you might say, “Me gusta su chaqueta.” (I like your jacket.) The taxi driver might then glance at you in the mirror, make a funny face, and then sort of choke out the word, “gracias” as though he were trying hard not to spray the windshield with his own saliva. You might later find out that in Mexico, the common word for jacket is “chamarra,” and that “chaqueta” means something closer to “hand-job” or “jack-off”. (Don’t ask me how I know this, either.)
In the interest of fairness, I’d like to put the spotlight on English for a moment. Why do we call it an “ear” of corn? It looks nothing like the ear of any living creature, current or extinct. If it had to be referenced with a body part, “penis” comes to mind most readily. But not a flaccid one. “How many erections of corn will we need for Thanksgiving this year, honey?”
Even if we skip over this obvious association, we can still do better than “ear”. In my opinion, “nose,” “beak,” or “muzzle” of corn work better than “ear”. And if you’re looking for still more accuracy in size and shape, “baby arm” seems perfect.
So if you happen to be driving a cab in the U.S. and an English-as-a-second-language passenger tells you they had a delicious baby arm of corn at a holiday dinner and that they like your hand-job, don’t shame them—just tug at the collar of your jacket, smile, and say thanks. They’re probably just a friendly Mexican.
Let’s find out now how many baby arms Wayno included in his Bizarro comics this week…
We hope that the late genius isn’t resenting us from beyond for dragging him into this pun.
The milk is what separates it from a vampire attack.
If there isn’t already an emoji museum in Tokyo, there will be soon, no doubt.
I’m still waiting for Jack Black to play Batman. Everyone else in Hollywood has, it seems.
I keep wondering how long before the new year shits its pants.
Before you hide under the bed, I encourage you to pop over to Wayno’s blog and absorb his premier post of the year in which he discusses his FOURTH anniversary as the Bizarro daily cartoonist. You’ll enjoy it and want to sign up for his weekly newsletter!
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In geological terms, we’ve come to the brief pause between this week’s post and next week’s. Thanks for digging our comedy ore, Jazz Pickles. If you’d like to send us a year-end thanks for giving you all of this content for free, please consider helping us continue to do so via the links below.
Until next week, keep talking to cab drivers in whatever language you can manage.
BIZARRO SHOP Fun and cheap!
… Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
…Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original Bizarro panels