Conscientious Cannibals
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic. Each week, I post my Sunday Bizarro comic, then a short essay, then the past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics written and drawn by my partner, Wayno. He does a weekly blog post, too, and I highly recommend it.
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Welcome to today’s cartoon jungle, Jazz Pickles. We start with a couple of points of clarification.
First, I posted a new episode of my graphic novel, Peyote Cowboy, last Monday. I sent an email to my Patreon supporters (want to be one? Go here and watch my pitch video.) then posted the link on FB, IG, & Twitter, but forgot to send an email out to all of you who have signed up for the Peyote Cowboy email list. (Join that list here.) It only took me six days to realize my mistake and so I sent out an email to that list yesterday. Many of you wrote to ask if I’d meant to send it twice. Well, you may have seen it in two different places but I actually only sent that alert to that email list once. Whatever.
Second, last week while writing about my Heimlich Tennis cartoon, I thought of a short story idea and included it in my blog post warning people not to steal it. Moments after I published the post, people began writing to say it was similar to the plot of Chuck Palahniuk's novel, Choke, from which a film was made a few years ago. Doh! The details of his story are much different than mine but the main gimmick is similar enough that I can’t really do anything with my idea. It was an honest mistake made doubly funny by the fact that I (humorously) warned people not to steal it while I had already unwittingly infringed on someone else’s published idea. I have another story idea about a sea captain who is obsessed with chasing a giant pink whale that had previously bitten off his penis, but that’s a story for another occasion.
Moving on to today’s cartoon, it will be funnier if you’re familiar with a couple of brands of faux meat products called Beyond Meat and Impossible Foods. If you’re into saving animals and/or the environment and want to move toward a more sustainable diet, these products are very good. That aside, a reader (I’m SO sorry but I can’t remember who!) suggested the idea of vegan food intended for cannibals and this cartoon resulted. The shape of the products was inspired by a product called Tofurky which is a faux meat brand that sells a roast that is meant to be a tasty alternative to turkey and is vaguely, sort of, almost the shape of a roasted turkey, but not really.
Looking at the cartoon today as I write this it occurs to me that the color of the faux humans in contrast to the real humans may lead people to think there’s a racial element to this, but none was intended. I just figured that since cartoon cannibals are always shown cooking white explorers or missionaries, it would stand to reason a product of this sort that was marketed to them would be a similar color.
For an appetizing and long-overdue change of topic, let’s see what Wayno has been cooking up in his cartoon wok this week, shall we?…
I find it strange that St. Pat’s Day isn’t celebrated in Mexico. He’s a Catholic saint and this is a Catholic country that LOVES to party so much it puts most Spring Break towns to shame, yet they don’t bother with this one. I’m thinking maybe it isn’t actually a religious holiday at all, just one that became tradition because some Americans who liked St. Patrick also liked to drink thought it up.
Forget flying cars, I just want a robot that will get me out of bed, brush my teeth, and get me dressed so I can step into a vacuum tube that takes me to the kitchen for coffee.
This is the problem with having sugar and gelatin for brains.
And don’t mention anything about this to the Mexicans.
Laugh at clowns if you want but it gives people with inordinately long feet something to do for a living.
Before you rush off to the mall to buy a waiter’s outfit for your monkey, drop by Wayno’s weekly blog post and see what he has to say about humor, music, and pipes.
That wraps up our riverboat tour this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for sticking around until the automated hippo sprayed us all with water. If you dig our groovy vibe and that we don’t make you pay or endure pop-ups, maybe say thanks via one of the links below. We’ll love you for it in a deep and abiding way.
Until next time, take a moment to think about last time.
BIZARRO SHOP Fun and cheap!
… Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
…Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original Bizarro panels
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