The Arf of the Deal
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic. Each week, I post my Sunday Bizarro comic, then a short essay, then the past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics written and drawn by my partner, Wayno. He does a weekly blog post, too, and I highly recommend it.
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This is my Father’s Day 2022 post, so I shall wish you a Buenos penis, Jazz Pickles. This week’s post is a day late because yesterday I took the day off. It being Father’s Day was not why I took a break, but it figured into the way the day played out.
Just for grins, Olive Oyl and I decided to meet some friends at a restaurant for comida, which is the Mexican tradition of eating the biggest meal of the day around 3pm. It is my understanding that Mexicans usually eat crap for breakfast (pastries), then eat and drink some more crap around noon (potato chips and Coke), then a big meal around three in the afternoon, which is typically more substantial and nutritious than their breakfast or midday snack, which, admittedly, is a very low bar. I don’t know what they do for dinner.
The reason Father’s Day figured into our lunch plan was that the place we tried first was too crowded to get into. It’s a place out in the country, about 15 minutes outside of our town on the edge of a very small village. It’s lovely, with tables on patios under numerous palapas scattered throughout a lovely outdoor garden with a pond. Since we couldn’t get in, we went to another similar restaurant right next door, also arranged outdoors in a lovely setting. The alternate place next door was not as crowded, so we got in.
I mention all this because the place next door is what I call a parasite restaurant. I suspect these things can be found in every city in the free world and you’ve likely been to a few yourself. You arrive at the popular eatery that you’ve got your heart and appetite set on but it’s crowded and you’re too hungry to wait, so you go to the place across the street or next door that isn’t nearly as busy, and hope for the best. Invariably, it seems, you find out why the other place isn’t crowded.
That’s what happened to us yesterday and although we had a lovely time visiting with our friends, the food and service were horrendous. How does a place like this stay in business? you wonder. They survive on the strength of the good restaurant’s overflow. Like a parasite, they sit back and reap the benefits of some other hardworking organism. Such is life.
The reason we were outside of town in the first place was that independent of Father’s Day, yesterday was an annual event in our town called the “Loco Parade,” and the city was packed. Mexicans love a fiesta of just about any kind, so there’s no shortage of parades here. Most of them have to do with Catholicism but this one, as the name implies, is just an opportunity to go crazy. People dress in outrageous costumes of any and all types (it is truly notable how many otherwise “macho” men dress as women) and many neighborhoods (colonias) coordinate and all dress within a theme. There’s a colonia with many dozens of people dressed as versions of Mickey or Minnie Mouse, another that dresses as witches and wizards, another that march as clowns, etc. I didn’t attend this year so I can’t say if this has changed, but there used to be a neighborhood where everyone dressed as Civil War-era “mammies,” all in blackface, with red polka-dot scarves tied around their heads. Apparently, that doesn’t hold nearly the cultural/political weight here as it does in the U.S. I’m guessing that’s because there are comparatively few blacks in Mexico, the main targets of racism here being people who are visibly of indigenous ethnicity.
Which brings to mind the fact that so many Americans seem to think that all Mexicans are dark-skinned. That’s not remotely true. A large percentage of Mexicans are of Spanish (and other European) descent and have white skin and various colors of hair. I believe this American misconception is due entirely to the fact that because the dark-skinned folks are discriminated against and kept in poverty, they are therefore also the ones most likely to seek a better life by going to the U.S. They’re also the most likely to be working blue-collar jobs at the hotels and resorts Americans visit. It is true, however, that Mexico has a much larger percentage of Native Americans than the U.S. does. (The preferred nomenclature in Mexico is “indigenous.”)
The reason for that is entirely due to the different styles of colonial brutality practiced by the English versus the Spanish. The Spanish enslaved the indigenous and converted them to Catholicism, while the English openly tried to exterminate Native Americans, and came close to succeeding, then imported their slaves from Africa.
I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s meandering mini-essay about Father’s Day, restaurants, parasites, parades, racism, and colonial barbarism.
Now let’s find out where Wayno was meandering this week with his Bizarro cartoons…
Moments ago, while retrieving this week’s Wayno cartoons from my computer I realized I never posted any of these on Instagram. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that. Sorry, Wayno. (And any IG readers who may have noticed.)
If you haven’t seen a documentary called Fantasic Fungi, drop whatever you’re doing right now and go watch it. Unless you’re currently tripping on mushrooms, that is. Go ahead and finish your trip and then watch the documentary. (It’s about all of the fascinating things about mushrooms and the psychedelic kind barely figure into it.)
If you haven’t seen the most recent season of Bernadict Cummerbund’s Sherlock show, don’t rush. Watch the mushroom documentary mentioned above first. Sherlock is well done but they’ve taken his skills of deduction to the level of him being psychic, which I think is hugely overkill. Just my two pesos worth.
If real robots looked like this, I wouldn’t be afraid of them. But they don’t and I am.
If I had one of those, I’d put a trash chute below it.
Optimum chi or no, it’s a wonder she has the energy to move those pieces of food.
That’s the bottom of the ninth in this cartoon world series of ours. Thanks for sticking around for that last over-priced beer, Jazz Pickles. If you’re enjoying what we do here and that we do it for free, perhaps consider saying thanks via one of the links below. We’ll like you even more than we do now if that’s even possible.
Until next week, go ahead and hit “replay” after your favorite songs. I’m sure Wayno would agree.
BIZARRO SHOP Fun and cheap!
… Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
…Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original Bizarro panels