I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic. Each week, I post my Sunday Bizarro comic, a short essay, and then the past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics written and drawn by my partner Wayno, whose weekly blog post I highly recommend.

And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.

Pleasant greetings, Jazz Pickles! 

In my weekly newsletter to subscribers of my creative writing thing The Naked Cartoonist, I explained that, like a NASCAR driver who has to pick up his dry cleaning and grab a few things at the market in the middle of a big race, I am driving myself too hard.

So after nine months of weekly NC articles, I’m moving to an every-other-week schedule. As I mentioned in my note to subscribers last Friday, my wife is supportive, but my dogs have threatened to leave me if I don’t start paying more attention to them. 

I suspect most readers don’t have time to read every article anyway, so I’m giving you a break, too. 

Last week’s article was called “Sex—Creator & Destroyer: Some thoughts on my trip down the birth canal.”

It’s about my experiences learning the facts of life as a kid, and how sex drives our adult behavior. Here’s a fun quote from early in the story, excusing my mother for telling four-year-old me a fairy tale about where babies come from:

“Did I really need to know that my existence was the result of an act that would have embarrassed Caligula? (Or maybe he would have asked to watch? I don’t know that much about ancient Rome.)”

Later, I admit:

“I eventually learned about sex the same way I learned about marriage—by doing it poorly again and again.”

After a humorous assessment of how much our sex drive controls our behavior in ways we rarely even realize, I observe how, in some ways, we often don’t find out who our spouse is until we reach an age where sex isn’t a major drive anymore. With that attraction (and peacemaking activity) removed, we see beyond how their ass looks in tight jeans and get a much clearer idea of who they truly are. It can be revelatory in both good and bad ways, as the truth about anything usually is.

I confess that while I miss “chasing tail,” I am enjoying the freedom of no longer seeing everything through testosterone-colored glasses. In many ways, my senses and reason have returned.

People don’t usually talk about this stuff, but I can’t seem to stop myself. It’s not called The Naked Cartoonist for nothing. You can give it a try for $5 a month. 

Now let’s give Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from the week a try and see if they can’t crack that scowl and reveal a smile…

This gag requires some minor spelling chops and a good eye.

(One of the Secret Symbols is rather wickedly inconspicuous too. Blame Wayno.)

This painter just learned that when using solvents, adequate ventilation is essential.

That depends. Is she protecting you with a coating of tartar sauce?

Follow me to the kazoo and bongo drum section...

And you think you’re not?

Henry Fonda is too busy talking us out of our racism to eat, anyway. (I love that movie!)

We’ve reached the conclusion of this week’s cartoon circus. Thanks for sticking around to help shovel the elephant dung. If you like that we do this ad-free, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. It will make our many hours of weekly toil more bearable.

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