Prehistoric Pranksters
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday Bizarro comic and title panel above are mine, as are the comments below. The past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics that follow were written and drawn by my partner Wayno, whose weekly blog post I highly recommend.
And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.
A common question at this time of year is, “Are you ready for the holidays?” But I’m more tempted to ask, “Are you sick of Christmas yet?”
Some people love the season and its throngs of joyful accessories, but I have a limited tolerance. I feel the same way about Christmas as I do about sweets: I love cookies, but pouring the entire contents of a five-pound bag of refined sugar into my mouth would be too much.
I’m not immune to nostalgic memories of holidays with my family when I was a kid. But these days, so many weeks of syrupy, faux joy designed to inspire me to be a more effective consumer is enough to make me want to throw myself in front of a runaway sleigh.
Here in Mexico, most folks are Catholic, so “Navidad,” as it is called here, is a big thing.
But it’s more of a religious observance than a celebration of material goods, so if I stay away from churches, it doesn’t affect me much. Living here, I don’t feel I’ve been screwed if I don’t get the new iPhone and a donkey cart full of other expensive future residents of a landfill.
Since our Bizarro readership tends toward the clever and observant, I won’t pretend that Wayno and I haven’t been involved in the pursuit of filthy holiday lucre this year.
The Internet has affected so many people’s careers and has changed our economic paradigm. Like most creative types, we now depend on scraps of income from a variety of sources—selling stuff has become a necessary evil.
Accordingly, we do a little pimping of our tchotchkes that are available through the Bizarro Shop and the shop at Comics Kingdom. We hate having to sell stuff, but at least we’re not pushing luxury SUVs, so maybe that’s worth something.
I don’t mean to come off too negative. (Too late?) I’m profoundly grateful for so much about life— the commercialism of modern Christmas just isn’t on that list.
However you spend next week, I hope you’ll find it gratifying!
Let’s wash that down with a gottle of geer and Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from the week…
For our readers who are blissfully unaware of ventriloquism acts, “gottle of geer” is a common example of the way ventriloquists substitute letters that can’t be pronounced without moving one’s lips. Like the letter “B”.
(Most folks say explaining a joke ruins it, but I say—whatever.)
All of our cats wear glasses whether they need to or not. It’s just good fashion sense.
In high school, I talked my way into the green room at a concert by The Who by doing a little painting of Pete Townshend. All four members of the band were very friendly, and it was the highlight of my life. (Until I lost my virginity the next year.)
His occupation is making nonfunctional umbrellas.
From this day forward, I will wear that costume to all weddings.
Repeat offenders are thrown in gazebo jail.
That concludes our unorthodox holiday greeting card, Jazz Pickles. If you’d like to help us continue to perpetrate this nonsense with filthy lucre of your own, please consider the links below. It will make us even more holly-jolly than we already are.
The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week subscription newsletter of humorous creative writing, photos, art, & more.
… Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
WAYNO’S TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
My graphic novel PEYOTE COWBOY
…Signed, numbered, limited-edition prints and original Bizarro panels
OUR BIZARRO SHOP Secret Symbol stickers, Jazz Pickle Koozies, & more
COMICS KINGDOM SHOP Now with Bizarro shirts, prints, & other crap!