Reindeer Games and Predators

Bizarro 12-21-14 hdrBizarro 12-21-14 WEBbz panel 12-19-14bz strip 12-19-14bz panel 12-20-14bz strip 12-20-14bz 12-20-07XmasWEB(For embiggenated views of any of these cartoons, tap it with your pointy thing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Hilarity of Horror.

Can you believe it’s Christmas week again? It’s been about a year since the last one, so yes, I can. But doesn’t it seem that the older you get, the more often Christmas comes around?  I’d like to propose that we change it from once a year to once every 75 years, to coincide with Halley’s Comet. That way plastic nativity scenes on front lawns can benefit from the more realistic “star”.

In the next few days, I’ll have some fun Xmas cartoons in Bizarro and I’m going to post a special edition of this blog tomorrow (or the next day) with a sled full of my favorite Xmas cartoons from years past.

Today’s post is about Santa’s midlife crisis. This one was fun to draw, but a tad tedious, I must say. I was seeing cheetah spots every time I closed my eyes for days.

These other two cartoons are from Friday and Saturday and I haven’t anything clever to say about them.  Let’s move onto the archival cartoon today.

 
PALEOZARRO: This cartoon from 2007 was wrought from personal experience. I’m one of those people who cannot get a song out of my head, especially annoying ones that I don’t like in the first place. The three Xmas TV specials I commemorate here are chock full of those damned things. Just looking at this drawing again puts those songs in my head and now I’ll be tortured for the next who-knows-how-long. Do you see the sacrifices I make for you, dear reader?

 

Kiss Silent Cat Mouth Lantern

bz panel 12-15-14bz strip 12-15-14bz panel 12-16-14bz strip 12-16-14bz panel 12-17-14bz strip 12-17-14bz panel 12-18-14bz strip 12-18-14Bizarro is brought to you by Nose Love.

It’s been a fun week at Bizarro International Headquarters. I was recently contacted by one of my favorite authors (and minds) Chris Ryan, who wrote Sex at Dawn, and asked if I’d be on his podcast, Tangentially Speaking.  Olive Oyl and I have been following his podcasts for a some time and it has become one of our fave sites, so we were thrilled to get a chance to meet Chris and be a part of it.  He interviews some really fascinating people but somehow I slipped through the screening process. I’ll let you know when/if he actually posts it.

My first cartoon this week, the one with the Eskimo, got some questions from readers, mostly along the lines of, “Huh?” The legend is that Eskimos kiss by rubbing their noses, so in this cartoon I feature a Hershey’s Kiss chocolate candy thing in the shape of a nose. The idea belongs to my good friend, Cliff The King Of Wordplay, so if you don’t like it, blame him.

Tuesday’s cartoon is full of woe as Herb has to go through life explaining the silent “H” in his name. Plus, he smells like basil.

Wednesday’s cartoon has a clever cat attempting to trick a bird into sticking its head into his mouth. Fear not, the cat I used as a model was unharmed.

Today’s cartoon is about a lucky dog who gets a different variety of the so-called “Elizabethan collar” that dogs wear after various medical procedures. I think he looks damned festive.

Here’s a pic of Chris Ryan, Olive Oyl, and me after our podcast recording yesterday. (By the looks of this photo, I was just about to say “paparazzi.”)  He brought his cousin, Dave, and we found them both to be delightful and clean smelling.ChrisRyan

PREZARROS: From 2004 is this cartoon about Elizabethan collars for dogs. It was drawn from personal experience and is a terrific tip for saving on routine medical procedures. Just be sure they don’t give you the full neuter out of habit.bz 05-07-04 vasectomyWEB

Wasting Time

bizarro 12-14-14 hdr WEB Bizarro 12-14-14 WEB (Make any picture bigger by clicking it with your clicker thing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Advanced Self Defense.

I’ve done quite a few cartoons about the famous “Ascent of Man” illustrations. This one is specifically about the tech age and how so many people have utterly abandoned their bodies and “real” lives for online substitutes. It would take who-knows-how-many years to get to this point in evolution, of course, and we’ll likely kill ourselves off as a species long before then.

More fun than that doomsday scenario is this bit of hate mail that I got last week about my Old West chiropractor cartoon from a couple Sundays back: Bizarro 11-30-14 WEB

“To whom it may concern: In regards to the comic posted in the Detroit Free Press recently, ‘In between crime waves, we let the chiropractor use it’. This comic showed a picture of a person hanging in reference to chiropractors. I as a chiropractic assistant found this extremely inappropriate along with several patients and the Chiropractor himself. To all of us who believe in chiropractic we found this very offensive and would ask you to refrain from such absurdities in all other comics in the future.”

I never cease to be amazed by the way America has become a nation of thin-skinned, humorless victims who seemingly look for an opportunity to be offended by a casual comment or joke. I can’t for the life of me imagine being insulted by this kind of gag, no matter how religiously dedicated to chiropractic I might be. I blame the culture of “political correctness” for this kind of wasted indignation. As a nation, we are so used to seeing public figures deliver “humble” apologies for hurting some sector of the public’s feelings that we think we are owed an apology every time we see something that falls short of venerating something we are or hold dear. In my opinion, this isn’t just a waste of time and effort but is childish and ridiculous. So, rather than apologize for publishing a cartoon that fails to hold chiropractic up to the high standards that this particular reader deems “appropriate,” I offer the following cartoon about chiropractors from 2008. In this one, I managed to offend both chiropractors and mobsters. Can’t wait for the hate mail to come in and the bullets to start flying.bizarro 10-26-08 MobChiroWEB1

A Week of Chucklies

bz panel 12-08-14bz strip 12-08-14bz panel 12-09-14bz strip 12-09-14bz panel 12-10-14bz strip 12-10-14bz panel 12-11-14bz strip 12-11-14bz panel 12-12-14bz strip 12-12-14bz panel 12-13-14bz strip 12-13-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Fine Art.

Wow, I just went an entire week without posting on this blog. I’m a terrible human being who needs to get his priorities straight. But I’m back on the straight and narrow now and promise not to let this happen again until it does.

Let us now review this week’s cartoons.

Monday: A simple joke that I came up with because I wanted an excuse to draw a ghost in a cowboy outfit. I like drawing ghosts as sheets with holes cut for the eyes. I think it’s funny. There’s another one in the archival section of the end of this post.

Tuesday: This gag is a little behind the times since everyone takes selfies now, but I’ve known a few older women who could not take a decent picture with a real camera if their life depended on it. I’m sure there are men with this problem, too, so don’t get all accusatory about my presumed sexism.

Wednesday: A friend of mine asked me about this gag, thinking the sign said “canoeing”. It doesn’t. This idea came from my friend and colleague, Dan McConnell.

Thursday: This gag was inspired a bit by a book I read not long ago that I found fascinating…Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships. It’s essentially about what anthropology, sociology, and zoology tells us about the prehistoric sexual behavior of humans and the origins of marriage and monogamy. Such a great read.

Friday: My favorite gag of the week, this one speaks to the human compulsion toward mythology. In the past year, I’ve substantially changed my attitude about where this comes from and why, not that that has anything to do with this cartoon. It’s just a topic that’s been on my mind.

Saturday: This gag came from my good buddy Cliff The King Of Wordplay. If you don’t get the joke, your brain is likely reading “improve” as “improv.” Tell it not to do that.

OLD BIZNESS: Here’s another fun ghost cartoon for your eyeholes. Click it to see it with more biggerness.

Bizarro 08-19-07 GhostWEB