Academic Bludgeon Duck

Bizarro 11-23-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 11-23-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Things That Add to Your Worship.

My effervescent and sublime life partner, Olive Oyl, came up with the idea for today’s cartoon. The breadth of her skills continues to amaze me and I consider myself a very lucky man.

If you’ve ever played the enduring classic board game, “Clue,” you’ll doubtless recognize Professor Plum as he enters the Office of Admission and admits what he’s done. I got a good chuckle from it and I hope you do, too. Plus, even though the drawing is not particularly complex, there are still 5 secret symbols to search for. Click the image for a larger view.

Prehistarros: From the pile of Sunday cartoons in the corner of my basement labeled “1999″ comes this rendition of the traditional “Is there a doctor in the house?” trope. Jazz Pickles with keener observational skills will notice that I make a cameo appearance in the audience. bizarro 04-04-99a WEB

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Amputation Kids Computers

bz panel 11-20-14bz strip 11-20-14bz panel 11-21-14bz strip 11-21-14bz panel 11-22-14bz strip 11-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Computer Anatomy.

As my regular readers know, I’ve been through two divorces and cannot recommend the experience. All that is in the distant past now but now and then a nice divorce gag occurs to me. When your job is coming up with a fresh gag 365 days a year, anything that goes into your head is likely to come back out later as a cartoon or twelve.

 

Mr. Potato Head is a fun trope for cartoons but so many have been done that it’s tough to come up with a new one. This time, I went dark.

 

 

As a person over “a certain age” it still amazes me how computers have become second nature for the young. I often have to ask a member of a younger generation to solve tech problems for me. I’ve still got them beat when it comes to philosophy, though.

 

BIZARRO BOOMERANG: From 1999 is this cartoon I did along the same lines. Zack Berry was the little kid who lived next door to me way back then. bizarro 02-22-99 WEB

Last Chance To Be Cool

Only 7 hours left to snag one of these limited-edition design Bizarro T-shirts!

You want to be cool. I want you to be cool. This is how. Lots of colors and styles available: short sleeves, v-necks, long sleeves, hoodies (sorry, no panchos).

White line work on dark-colored shirts               Black line work on light-colored shirts.StrangeKiss1

Bear Blog Mouse Eskimo

bz panel 11-17-14bz strip 11-17-14bz panel 11-18-14bz strip 11-18-14bz panel 11-19-14bz strip 11-19-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Freudian Typo.

Insider tip: Don’t bother calling Teddy Bear Headquarters on a Monday. Those dudes are some picnic-loving freaks.

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Don’t use a therapist who has a blog on which he features highlights from each week’s therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Mice taxis are notoriously inefficient. But when you’re spending your life in a rodent prison, it’s worth a try.

 

 

 

PREBIZTORICALS: Did someone say, “What’s in your archives today, Dan?” No? Well, maybe they did and I didn’t hear them so here’s something from 1999. bizarro 01-29-99EskimoWEB

Basketboulder

Bizarro 11-16-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 11-16-14 WEB(Click any image for a bigger look!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Why Wash When You Can Bash?

My mind wandered recently about the beginning of basketball and wondered what they used for the ball before modern technology created what we now use. Going further back, I imagined this scene of a couple of cave dudes fighting over a boulder. Since I am not a terribly tall person (3’7″) I’m always last to be picked for basketball teams. That is, until they find out that I can fly, and also become invisible at will. Who’s laughing now, tall people?

NEW TOPIC: There are only FOUR DAYS left to nab one of my limited-edition Bizarro Jazz Pickle T-shirts!

After that, this design (3rd in a series) will disappear forever, the way most people wish Kim Kardashian would.

Black line work on light shirts here.                   White line work on dark shirts here.

Because Adam Levine and Scarlett Johansson were recently voted “sexiest human members of their species and sexes,” here’s what they would look like in my T-shirt. (Available in many styles and colors, not just short-sleeves and orange.) Aren’t they sexy? You will be, too. AdamScarlett