Still Kickin’
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic. Each week, I post my Sunday Bizarro comic, a short essay, and then the past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics written and drawn by my partner Wayno, whose weekly blog post I highly recommend.
And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.
Hey, Jazz Pickles, does anybody on that police lineup look familiar? Some of you may recognize the guy at right in the purple and pink bunny shirt. He’s not the perp she’s looking for but he was under six feet tall, balding, with a goatee and glasses—our victim’s description of the assailant—so he qualified for the lineup.
I’ve kind of always wanted to be in a police lineup just for the experience of it. If it were me they were looking for, I most definitely would not want to be in that lineup, but otherwise, I think it would be interesting.
Back in the late ‘90s, I was once on the other side of the window, so to speak. Sort of.
A detective called me one afternoon and asked me if I’d bought some magazine subscriptions from a guy at the door in the past year. I suddenly remembered I had. He asked if I ever got the magazines. I suddenly remembered I had not. “Oh yeah!” I said. “No, I didn’t.”
He said the guy was arrested as a con artist and my name was on his list of customers. I wondered why anyone would keep a list of one-time victims of a con, but whatever. I’m not a career criminal so what do I know about their methods?
The detective asked if I’d come down and see if I could spot him in a photo lineup. Visiting the precinct station and sitting at the detective’s desk looking at mug shots was kind of fun, like being in a TV show.
I looked carefully at the six photos. None stood out as the guy I thought I remembered. When I confessed that to the cop he shrugged and said it was no problem. They already had a couple of victims who could. He pointed to the one that was him and sure enough, he looked familiar.
I immediately realized that when he’d smooth-talked me into ordering magazines I didn’t want, he had a huge, radiant smile the whole time. It’s why I couldn’t tell him no. He was a friendly, fun guy. I almost wanted him to stay for lunch.
In the mugshot I was shown, he had a distinct scowl. He looked like a killer (or a conman who had just been busted.) It’s amazing how much a smile can literally change everything about us.
My suggestion to law enforcement is to make people vogue a little in their mugshots and take several angles with different facial expressions and costumes. It would be more fair to us victims who try to identify them later.
Now let’s see in what ways Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons from the week are vogueing for the camera…
Maybe he’s still not sure what a grand vizier is.
The dude on the right will be slipping anti-American propaganda into your carry on.
I keep thinking kerning should have something to do with corn.
Exchange it for a copy of “Your Parrot Can Earn Money as a Social Media Influencer.” You’ll thank me.
Banjo might be an instrument a robot could play better than a human.
Bears are scary enough without them being naked, too!
That signals the end of our comedy experiment, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for enduring the side effects. If you appreciate that our site is free, please consider helping us keep it that way via the portals below. In gratitude, I’ll spray-paint your name on the front wall of the local police station.
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