Early Man
The first pumpkin pie.
Bizarro Jazz Pickles with nothing better to do with their mental archives may think they recall having seen this cartoon before and they’d be right. I did a truncated version of this as a weekday panel quite a few years ago and have posted it on social media and the like most years since. But I like it so much that this year I turned it into an expanded Sunday comic in hopes that it will gain a wider audience and still amuse those who’ve seen it before.
In my estimation, modern American Thanksgiving is a grab bag of good and evil. On the one hand, it is always good to take stock of the things we are grateful for in the spirit of the first pilgrims who (supposedly) shared a feast with the local natives who helped them through tough times. But on the other hand, we still systematically discriminate against and oppress Native Americans and we’ve even “elected” a “president” based on our fear of them (the vast majority of the over-50,000 brown-skinned people being held in migrant prisons on our borders are Native Americans).
On the one hand, we enjoy delicious food together but on the other, most of us are supporting a factory farming industry that is unspeakably cruel to animals and seriously damaging to our environment and health.
On the one hand, we share our love with our family and friends without expectations of gifts, and on the other, we head out to shopping malls the following day to participate in a commercial orgy in the name of religion that would embarrass Jesus to the point of climbing off the cross and declaring, “These people just don’t get it.”
In the end, pretty much all human institutions are a mixed bag of the glorious and the cruel. One hallmark of our species’ mutated monkey brain is that we can hold conflicting and even contradictory ideas in our heads simultaneously. Holidays are certainly all about that.
What, one might ask, did Wayno do with his mutated monkey brain last week? Let’s find out…
The question that’s burning in my mind right now is who is a bigger quack—the Doctor Oz above or the one on TV? (Pull back the curtain, Toto!)
This is a scene from a near-future America in which it is possible, using genetic modification, to create non-human workers who do not possess the same legal rights as humans and can, therefore, be pushed harder and longer for bigger profits. Many CEOs have been longing for this since the day child labor was outlawed.
I like Wayno’s comments about this cartoon more than anything occurring to me right now so I’m going to recommend you pop over to his weekly cartoon blog post and have a quick read. He’s not nearly as verbose and opinionated as I am so it can be a quick visit. Don’t forget to come back and finish this post, though! (I’ll just be sitting here quietly waiting.)
I used to know some vegan motorcyclists who were talking about starting a club. I begged them to call it “Thundering Tofu” and have a plain, white cube as their symbol. Last I heard, the club never formed. I think they got sidetracked trying to invent kale-based fuel for their bikes, which would be a good thing.
I can’t get past the fact that they’re still wearing their tights and boots at home. Get some super sweats. Geez.
Wayno and I offer this pro-tip for aspiring artists: cartoon drawings of pretzels without salt look like turds.
Thanks for snacking along with us this week, Jazz Pickles. We hope you (Americans) have a meaningful holiday this week. If you wake up the next morning and find that you don’t want to be among the throngs of capitalist psychos fighting for the last Pokemon Virtual Reality AI Robot Plush Doll with Cancel Culture Capability, pop into the Bizarro Shop this Friday. We’re going to have a site-wide Black Friday sale you won’t have to leave your blanket tent under the overpass for. We’re doing this not to irritate Jesus, but because this is what artists have to do to make a living these days. If you’re going to spend money on holiday gifts, you might as well give that money to someone who won’t use it to hire more rabbits and turtles to work 18-hour days in their factory, right?
Until next time, be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist ignorance, fascism, and nationalism.
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